Dating during the holiday season can be tricky. With so many work and family obligations, parties to attend, and deadlines to meet, it is hard to know how to factor your new special someone into the picture.
My clients express the most anxiety about this subject when they are dating someone with whom they have not yet established exclusivity. Sure, they have been on a couple of great dates, but does that mean they are expected to exchange gifts or ring in the new year together?
To help ease the anxiety a bit, here are my answers to the three most popular questions I get from clients about dating someone new during the holiday season.
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Should we be exchanging gifts?
If you know the positive feelings you have towards your date are reciprocated, and your next date during the holiday season is already planned, it might be appropriate to give a small, thoughtful gift.
Small is key! There is no need to drain your bank account to purchase the gift. Doing so may cause your date to feel uncomfortable or create an awkward moment if the gesture is not reciprocated. When you don’t have the, “Are we exchanging gifts?” conversation, don’t be offended if you are the only one with a gift in hand. Stick to budget-friendly ideas like baking them their favorite cookies or giving them a book that you think they would really enjoy.
If you are confused about what to get your date, think back to what they spoke about during your past time together. Perhaps they mentioned a favorite activity, hobby, or restaurant they love that you could plan a surprise date to. Take what they said into account, and your gift is sure to be thoughtful, and an acknowledgment that you are genuinely interested in getting to know them better.
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Should I plan to meet their family?
Most likely, you will not be spending the holidays with each other’s family if you have not established exclusivity in your relationship. This is especially true if you grew up in different locations, and travel is involved. Don’t put pressure on meeting families too soon. The right time will present itself.
If you have been together a couple of months and the conversation arises, my advice is to let the man dictate the plan. If he invites you to meet his family, and you feel comfortable, go for it. If he does not invite you, do not invite yourself!
Dating for a while, and feel ready to include the families? Great! As long as you both feel comfortable, why not? To ensure you make a positive impression on your date’s family, come with a gift in hand. No excuses about having a low budget. Even a simple gesture, like a bottle of wine or a bouquet of flowers, is sure to impress.
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Should I assume we are spending New Years Eve together?
When you are newly dating, let the man take the lead. If he does not mention his New Year’s Eve plans or invite you out as his date, don’t wait around. Ladies, make your own plans, and have a great time!
If you have been dating a little longer and feel comfortable bringing up the subject of NYE to your guy, casually ask him what he has planned for the night. If he responds that he is going to a party but does not invite you to come along, you have your answer right there. Don’t push yourself into his plans unless invited. If he says he isn’t sure yet, but would love to spend the night with you, then good thing you brought it up.
For you gents out there, if you want your date to be by your side as the ball drops, make plans with her in advance. You should invite her to be your date by at least Christmas so that she knows not to make other plans. No last-minute text messages on December 31st, “wondering if she is free,” allowed.
Final Thought:
The holidays are a time for celebration and fun. Don’t put pressure on yourself, or your date. Let the relationship progress at a speed that feels comfortable and natural.
As always please feel free to reach out to me with any other holiday questions– LisaClampitt@matchmakinginstitute.com.
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