In my last blog I wrote about how love won’t necessarily come find you, so put yourself in situations to maximize your chances of meeting a potential partner. Although your surroundings are important, you also have to prepare yourself in order to meet someone.
One of the questions that I ask my single clients in their quest for love is: Do you believe that you deserve to have a good and loving relationship? What is your answer? If you expect good treatment and believe you deserve respect, you will get it; if you don’t, then you won’t. You’ll be much more likely to put up with bad or disrespectful behavior if that’s all you think you’re worthy of or that you won’t find anyone better. I have worked with many singles who, at their core, didn’t believe that they deserved a great relationship. So when they met someone who was drama-free and actually nice, they thought, “She is too good for me” or “This is too easy, how can this nice guy like me?” and ended any possibility of a relationship.
To avoid road blocking a budding romance and prepare yourself to be open to a deserving and awesome relationship, here are things to consider:
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Like yourself.
I’m not asking you to be perfect, but do you really enjoy who you are? We can be our own worst critic, but liking yourself is fundamental not only to having a healthy relationship, but also to the openness to meet someone. Think about it – if you’re not ok with yourself, how can someone else be? In fact, my clients who struggle with self-acceptance have admitted that when they meet someone they often assume, “They’re not going to like me.” This kind of thinking may block you from seeing a person’s interest or giving someone a chance. A great way to prevent these thoughts is to get to the root of the cause. Thinking no one likes you? Nurture your friendships. Think you’re boring? Take up a hobby or activity that you find fascinating. Not feeling attractive? Get a mini-makeover or join a gym. Just get out there and create opportunities to like yourself!
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Appearance matters.
Knowing that you can meet anyone anywhere, think about your appearance. Yes, we all want to be loved for who we are, but the reality is that looks matter. Attraction consistently ranks as one of the most important traits in considering a partner. When you go out in public, dress in a way that makes you comfortable talking with a potential date should the opportunity arise. Take some extra care to feel confident in the way you look when you walk out your door. You only get one shot at making a first impression, so look good. You never know if you might meet Ms./Mr. Right in the produce aisle!
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Know yourself.
Beyond likes and dislikes, what kind of a person do you want to be? What values do you want to live out on a daily basis? Although opposites do attract, most of us are drawn to those we are similar to. We gravitate toward those who share our values, general life beliefs and even sense of humor! The more you truly know yourself and your desires, needs, etc., the more clarity you can gain in finding a compatible partner. Spend some time thinking about what you value and need most in your life and in a mate. Try to keep your list to 7-10 each.
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Be happy and upbeat.
Are you generally an optimistic person and content with your life? Although there are people who want to find someone to “save” or “fix,” the majority of people are looking for someone who is happy, positive and kind. Be this person! Relationships are work, and one of the best things that you can do to keep it afloat is to have a positive frame of mind. This doesn’t mean that you can’t have times of doom and gloom, but happy couples perceive their relationships and each other with more positives than negatives. As a single, develop this mindset now. It will not only help your future relationship, but will help attract a like-minded mate.
Believe in your worth and go after love. You can find it when you expect it.
