Please tell me you all are watching Unreal. It’s a drama on Lifetime that goes behind the scenes on a Bachelor-like show and is all about how the sausage is made on reality television. My reality shows aren’t much like the show featured in Unreal, so I can’t say how true to life it is. But, I can say that it’s so interesting to watch. I’m obsessed with the Quinn character, who’s a badass in charge of everything and ruthless in her pursuit of success and power. She’s uncut drive personified and I love seeing that in a female character. It’s too rare if you ask me!
Anyway, this season, Rachel, another main character on the show, has to work with an ex of hers. Now, Rachel and her ex have an incredibly complicated and messed up dynamic that I can’t even begin to address is this post. But, if you’re not totally vindictive and mean like Rachel and her ex are, I think I can help you with the sticky situation of working with someone you used to date.
Talk to him
Blergh. Talking to an ex is the last thing you want to do. I know, I know. But, communication is key to a relationship, even once the romance is over. And if you two are continuing to work together, that relationship is still going on. So, you have to do your best work to keep it healthy. Sit down and talk to him about what you’d ideally like from your work relationship and how to handle specific situations. Be clear with your goals and ideas and, here’s the hard part, be open to his. You’re probably going to have to compromise on what you want to figure out a workflow that suits both of your needs. Good luck, it’s going to be a tough conversation. But, a worthwhile one.
Be the bigger person
It’s so easy to fall into being the worst version of yourself post-break up. It’s really tempting to become petty, small and mean. You know this guy so well, so it’s simple to hurt him where it hurts and expose his weaknesses. Don’t do it. Stop yourself. Be the bigger person whenever you can. Be emotionally generous and rise above any of his bad behavior. This is general advice post-split, even if you don’t work together. But, it’s especially important when you do. Even if a little bad behavior may feel gratifying in the moment, it won’t be worth how terrible it makes you look to your colleagues and bosses. But, everyone will be impressed if you don’t take the bait and instead are mature and collected. It will speak volumes about your character and ability as an employee.
Know you have options
You’re not married to your job. So, know that if things get really bad in the office because your ex is around, you can leave. Finding a new job might be the best option for you and your sanity in this situation. And I know it stinks that you’re the one leaving when he’s the problem, but that often doesn’t matter. Life isn’t fair, but you should give yourself your best chance of being happy. And that might mean ensuring you have a great environment to thrive in, without your ex around.
Really sorry you’re finding yourself in this situation. Hopefully my advice helped. Or, you can always tune into Unreal and watch for a tutorial in how not to work with your ex!
