When was the last time you initiated sex?
If you had to think about it for longer than 5 seconds it’s probably been awhile.
Well, here’s some news: the biggest complaint I hear from men is that their girlfriend or wife doesn’t initiate sex enough, or at all.
It’s not entirely your fault. Many women are taught from a young age to have the guy take the lead, pay for the date, plan the date, open all the doors, and make the first phone call. He probably even asked you out on the first date. It would follow then that many women don’t feel it’s acceptable to initiate sex. Ever.
The problem is whether you follow all these ‘rules’ or not, this type of chivalry shouldn’t carry over into the bedroom.
It’s not that women don’t want to have sex—trust me, women like orgasms too—but women are more likely than men to become complacent and more passive about their sex lives.
Much of this has to do with women prioritizing men’s pleasure over their own.
Men are more likely to decide when to have sex and how they want to have it.
Playing by a men’s rules in the bedroom leaves many women dissatisfied with their sex lives and unmotivated to have sex. Sex doesn’t feel worthwhile when you don’t feel like you have any control over your own sex life.
So today (or tonight!) it’s time to take back your sex life. Oh, and this is supposed to be fun. You’ll realize how empowering it is to take the lead and initiate the kind of sex you really want.
No you don’t have to cook him dinner half naked in fishnet stockings (although I’m sure he would appreciate it). You just have to make the first move. That’s what initiating is all about.
The best part about initiating sex is that you’re both getting what you want: He feels like you actually want to have sex and desire him and you get to do whatever it takes to have a mind blowing good time.
While you’re watching television together or just hanging on the couch, gently put your hand on his lap. You know where I’m talking about. Look into his eyes and tell him you want him. Trust me, if you start touching his penis he’s probably not going to reject you, unless of course you’re watching the Super Bowl and then all bets are off.
If the hand in lap doesn’t feel right to you, simply turn to him and start kissing his neck.
Or the next time he comes home from one of those stressful days, tell him you’re giving him a massage and slowly undress him. Extra points if you set the atmosphere by using a sensuous massage candle on his body and play some of his favorite music. Having an activity first like a massage, makes it even easier for you to initiate sex.
Now that you’ve got his attention, you can start to gently plant kisses down his back and turn him over to continue the kissing. When it’s time, take the initiative to climb on top and have sex straddled on top of him. The key here is to direct the movement the way you want it, not the way you think he wants it. Gyrate in circular motions, up and down and any way that feels good.
The best part about initiating sex is that you’re both getting what you want: He feels like you actually want to have sex and desire him and you get to do whatever it takes to have a mind blowing good time.
Want more Sex With Emily? Check out my podcasts for free on iTunes, my book Hot Sex and my iPhone apps Kegel Camp and Sex Drive.
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