I’m sitting here with my friend Alex who is also a dating coach, and we’re talking about how dating makes absolutely no sense.
The other night he went out with this spectacular woman. They talked into the early hours of the morning. They connected, they laughed, and they got along really well. In fact, they even finished each other’s sentences.
At the end of the night, he gave her a hug and a kiss, and told her he looked forward to seeing her again. Then after a few days of text exchanges, she’s gone. She’s stopped responding to him completely. All he can hear from his phone right now, is crickets.
He did the check-in text today where you say something cute to keep the momentum going. It was along the lines of, “Do I need to register you as a missing person yet, or are you OK?”
He wasn’t being needy or desperate. He was making a joke, just to keep things going. Sure enough, all he’s heard from his phone all day long is crickets. As each hour passes, he’s realizing dating makes no sense.
He had an amazing time with this woman. They had a great time and got on well, but she vanished. He knows it’s not him, and I know right now some of you women reading are thinking, well, ‘maybe she just didn’t feel it the next day’.
You can’t over analyze, under analyze or re-analyze anything.
Dating makes no real sense. This woman could resurface two weeks later. She might have been dating six other people at the time to keep her options open. Now she realizes that Alex is a great guy, but didn’t realize until she broke up with the six other people.
You have no idea. So when you go out with somebody for the first time and you have what you think is a spectacular, amazing, incredible date, you really don’t know what’s going on in their lives at all.
They may tell you they want a relationship. They may look you at you in the eyes, as if their eyes are popping out of their heads full of lust and pre-love syndrome.
But in reality, you don’t know that person.
You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure things out. “What did I do wrong? What did I say? What made her change her mind?”
All you can do is have the power to present yourself for who you are and what you’re all about, and that’s what he did. The crickets are now playing on his phone and it’s driving him nuts.
It happens to all of us. We all know the sound of crickets. It’s a terrible sound when ‘crickets’ are coming through your phone. It’s a very loud, quiet.
It’s a beautiful sound when you’re lying in bed and the windows are open on a summer night and you hear the crickets chirping, but dating crickets are a nightmare.
All you can be is the best version of yourself when you show up on a date. All you can do is be 100% authentic and honest and open. You can’t take anything back after you’ve said it.
triggers somebody to go into the sounds of silence.
You have no idea what might trigger someone else’s bad memories. You have no idea when you say something that goes against that person’s beliefs, so just roll with it.
There’s no need to overanalyze it. If you were the best version of yourself and you showed up being the most incredible version of you. You were authentic, honest, and open, and stated what you were all about.
Stop trying to figure out every little move, phone call, and text message because when it comes down to it, dating and love really doesn’t make any sense.
Photo credit: Felipe Holanda / CC BY
