You two are moving in together. That deserves a celebration! It also deserves some words of warning. While that may sound a little grim, I’m just being real. Moving in together is when the rubber meets the road in a relationship and there can be some unexpected, but not uncommon, friction. Here’s what you need to remember.
It’s a big deal
This move is going to feel different than any other move in your life. And living with your boo feels different than living with any other roommate. That’s for one reason – this is a big freaking deal! This isn’t other living situations! It’s one of the first steps you two are taking toward building a shared life together. So, things are going to feel a bit more intense and high stakes during this move and your transition of falling into a living rhythm together. Buckle up for it.
Hard is OK
I’ve heard some people describe living with their boo as “Christmas morning, but every day!” I’m Jewish, so maybe I don’t get Christmas morning, but I’m pretty sure it’s not about pantry organization, budgeting utility bills and banging on the bathroom door because you need to get into the freaking shower right now. Moving in with a significant other is hard. There’s going to be moments of unpleasantness. And that’s OK. Change is difficult and moving in with someone is a lot of change at once. So, let it be hard without judging yourself for thinking it’s hard.
Alone time is helpful
When the going gets tough, the tough get going…outside the house to some place they can be alone. Solo time to think and decompress is invaluable when you’re living with someone for the first time. Sharing everything with your man is a big change, especially if you were living solo previously, so take some breaks and spend time with yourself. Don’t let yourself feel guilty about it at all. That time to yourself will benefit your together time.
One thing is not everything
When things feel a little hard during a move, it’s easy to catastrophize some bad behavior on his part and think he’s a bad guy. He’s not! You never would have moved in with him if he were a bad dude. And just because he doesn’t care where you put your grandma’s armoire doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about your grandma. Or doesn’t care about you. One dismissive thing doesn’t mean he’s dismissing you. Keep things in perspective.
Nothing has to be forever
You made this move because you think this guy is your forever person. Him turning into anything less would be a huge disappointment. I get that. But, if the living situation really doesn’t work out and you’re truly unhappy, you don’t have to stay. You have a lot of options for where to live and living with him is just one of them. This doesn’t have to be forever if it doesn’t feel right to you.
Good luck with the move, girl. Hopefully your transition to couple living is as smooth as possible and you don’t need any of this advice. But, if you do, remember that you’re not alone. People don’t talk about it, but living together is tricky!
