Unless you’ve had your head under a rock, you know that there’s a lot of facts being disputed in the news these days. (And if you have been under a rock, please send me the address of that rock. It sounds nice. I’d like to take a quick nap there.) And when facts get disputed, it means that one side is lying. The lying and fact manipulation is driving me absolutely bonkers. I’m really worried about the future of our country. The one small silver lining of this stress-filled situation is that it got me thinking about lies in relationships and I think I cooked up some really good advice for you guys on what to do when you’re being lied to.
Ask again
If you think you’re being lied to, I say take a page from a lot of the journalists we’re seeing on TV and ask your question again. Give your partner another chance to tell you the truth. There could have been a miscommunication the last time around or maybe they actually had a change of heart about the lie. Whatever the case, a second chance at the truth never hurt anyone.
Point out the lie
This next step is going to be awkward. Tell them you think they’re lying, exactly why you think that’s the case and how it makes you feel. And then buckle up. Accusing someone of lying is major. They will be offended by it, even if they actually are lying. So, their reaction is likely going to be pretty yucky. Stick to your guns and don’t be swayed by anything like gaslighting or manipulation. You’ve got to trust your gut. If you think they’re lying, they probably are.
Give it time
Lying is a big problem in a relationship and after you point it out initially, you may need to take a step back from your partner. That doesn’t mean a break up or even taking a break from the relationship. It just means some time apart from each other. Depending on the size of the lie and their reaction when you bring it up, you may just need to go on a walk. You also may need to move in with your parents for a week. It really depends on the situation. But, you don’t need to talk about the lie after the initial conversation unless either of you has something new or different to add to the conversation…like the truth or an apology.
Decide what to do
Not all lies are created equal and not all lies impact relationships the same way. Also, not all reactions to being accused of lying are comparable. So, take a look at your relationship and your partner and decide what to do. Can you still trust this person? Do you understand why they lied? Can that reason for lying be changed? Do you think they’ll do it again? If you can trust your partner moving forward, I think it’s fine to forge ahead with this relationship. If you can’t, you can’t be in this relationship. A relationship without trust isn’t worth having at all.
Hope that helps you figure out next steps with your little liar. And I’m serious about that rock address! I could seriously use a media break! Finding the news and the lying very draining.
