Look, I got to give it up to guys because, hey, at least they try and give us compliments. Sometimes however, the “compliments” they give us are actually insults. I chalk it up to guys not thinking before they speak, but here are my top five “complimensults.”
1. “I like your hooker boots.”
First of all, you just flat-out told me I look like a hooker. Second of all, I’m pretty sure a hooker couldn’t afford these Michael Kors boots from Nordstrom’s that just cost me half of my paycheck. Apparently, if you aren’t wearing ankle or cowboy boots, guys just refer to them as “hooker boots.”
2. “I like your new profile picture. You look like a dominatrix.”
Oh my god, you nailed it. That’s exactly the look I was going for in my new Facebook profile pic. What gave it away? Was it the lack of leather, chains and other dominatrix paraphernalia? Or was it my grey t-shirt and oversized glasses that really set the dominatrix tone? Much like the hooker comment, most girls do not want to be told they look like a dominatrix (unless I’m actually getting paid; in that case, tell me I look like a dominatrix all you want and give me your money.)
3. “Your boobs look huge in that shirt.”
Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t find this to be a compliment. Unless I just got implants, there’s no reason they should look particularly huge, regardless of my outfit. To me, I hear, “Wow, you look like you’ve gained some weight.” Even if a woman did find this to be a compliment, it’s still super tacky. That’s like me telling a guy, “Your balls look extra big in those pants.” Oh wait, a guy would probably actually like that compliment.
4. “Wow, you’re really good at that (insert any sexual act).”
Telling a girl she is good at any sexual act is very tricky. And sadly, when guys are trying to give compliments in this department they are usually thinking with the wrong head. First of all, never preface the compliment with “wow.” That means that you were assuming we’d be bad at it and you’re surprised that we actually know what we’re doing. Second, most women would take such a statement as you imply they’re a whore. It’s the equivalent of saying, “Wow, that’s not the first dick you’ve sucked!”
5. “How are you still single?”
This goes for both men and women, but I have a feeling women take this more personally. All I hear is, “…and what the fuck is wrong with you?” Maybe I’m single because I’m focusing on my career. Maybe I’m single because I want to just do me right now. Or maybe I’m single because I haven’t found a man that is right for me yet. Either way, this is not a compliment, and puts the blame on me for being single. An actual compliment would be, “Whoever ends up with you is going to be one lucky guy/gal.”
The moral of this story is that you should never give any sort of “compliment” that might imply a woman is a hooker, dominatrix, slut, etc. Try sticking to compliments that are from the heart, and not from the other head.
