Moving in together is like getting engaged but without any jewelry. If you know me, you know that I don’t recommend a move without a ring. But if you disagree with me on that, at least take into consideration some things you should know about him before you move in together to make sure that it happens only once and only with the right guy. The number one rule is to make sure you at least get a promise ring.
His finances
I know, money is an icky topic. And asking someone point blank if they have any debt and how they invest is a total nightmare conversation. But you know what’s a bigger nightmare? Having to call your boyfriend’s mom because he owes you $2,500 for covering his rent and utilities because he’s “in between jobs.” That happened to a friend of mine. It turns out that when she met him and he had a job, he was actually “in between unemployment stints.” He could never keep a job and was chronically in debt. She had no idea because for the six months they dated, he was employed and seemed to be doing fine. There was no way for her to know unless she asked, and she didn’t. So take a lesson from my poor friend (who never got the money back, not even from his mother) and have the yucky conversation to avoid a yuckier situation.
His cleaning habits
Picking up your dude’s dirty underwear gets very old very quickly. If you’re a neat freak and he’s Oscar the Grouch personified, your living situation is going to be full of resentment and fights. And that also goes for if you’re a messy person and he’s Mr. Clean. Does it mean that it can’t work between a hot mess and a neat freak? No. But it’s only going to work if you talk about it and set some serious boundaries and rules that you both agree to.
Your relationship
He asked you to move in with him! He thinks you’re the one! Start subscribing to those bridal magazines! Not so fast, sister. Has he actually said that to you? Don’t assume anything. In a perfect world, yeah, he wants to move in with you because he sees it as a step forward in your relationship. But people aren’t always perfect. Or really ever perfect. He could be doing it for financial reasons, for convenience, because he’s lonely. Talk about where he sees your relationship going first and make sure you two are on the same page as far as what moving in together actually means.
His future
Here’s another crap-tastic question I’m telling you to ask your man: What’s his five-year plan? I know what you’re thinking, “This is a relationship, not an interview, Patti!” But you need to know where he’s planning on going before you hitch your wagon to his ride. Just be sure that you both see the same future or at least the same gist of a future. You don’t need to know all the details, but you do need to feel like you can be happy and satisfied in his gist of a future and that it hazily looks like your gist of a future.
His ideal weekend
Going from dating to living together is a big jump. As is going from “practically” living together to actually living together. Find out what he enjoys doing when you’re not around. Another tale from the friend crypt: One of my girlfriends knew that her man was into video games, but until she moved in, she didn’t know that he spent every waking minute he wasn’t on dates with her playing them. It led to some ugly fights, and let me tell you that in the battle of woman vs. video game, woman rarely wins.
Who here has moved in with someone recently? What’s the biggest lesson you learned?
