A common misconception is that my business is about dating. It’s not. It’s about relationships and love. My goal isn’t to set people up on good dates. It’s to find them long-term partners so they can build a life together. And to me, that means monogamy. I know there are other ways to have a successful relationship, but happiness in monogamy is my personal goal and the goal I set for my clients. I always help my guys and girls figure out when to define their relationships in terms of monogamy and I thought I’d share my tips with you, too.
Before sex
This one’s never popular, but I refuse to budge because it’s so important. No sex of any kind before monogamy. First and foremost, do this to protect yourself from STDs. I shouldn’t have to convince you of that. Secondly, sex is a huge intimacy milestone that you can undo once it’s done. You’re in deep emotionally after sex. Protect yourself by being sure you two are on the same page before you get nasty. If talking about monogamy is too awkward for you to even fathom with this dude, then you’re obviously not ready for sex with him.
After three dates
I love the idea of love at first sight. But, that doesn’t have to mean sex at first sight. I know that because I say no sex before monogamy, some people feel like that’s an excuse to jump to monogamy before knowing the person. Don’t do that. Give yourself three full dates before you even think about discussing monogamy. You need a solid sense of the other person before you commit to not seeing anyone else.
Before meeting friends
Don’t mix up your social circles until you two have sat down and had a chat about what kind of relationship this is and where you want it to go. Bringing other people in before you guys are secure with each other is a major mistake. You don’t want your friends to get too attached to a dude, or you to get in deep with his friends, without connecting about your status. Hit the pause button before there are any friend meet-n-greets so you can take a minute to assess together.
After you invite him up
You guys should have both seen each other’s places before you decide to be monogamous. This isn’t because what his home looks like and how your décor aesthetics match actually matter. I’m insisting on this because it’s a level of intimacy. Spending time in private, not in a restaurant or bar, without having sex is a major test of your connection. Spend at least some time alone at your place and at his before you guys decide to only see each other.
That should help you decide when to bring up the m-word! Well, at least this m-word. Marriage is an entirely different post!
