Couples everywhere are experiencing the strangest predicament. We can talk about the news, the weather, our likes and dislikes, what shows we watch, our issues with our parents.. But when it comes to sex, one of the most important aspects of any intimate relationship, all of a sudden we are tongue tied. We get into these sexual ruts that we can’t seem to talk our way out of, not because we don’t know what we want, but because we don’t know how to ask our partners for it in the bedroom.
It’s a question I get asked constantly, in one form or another: How do I talk to my partner about sex?
Whether it’s about something you’re wanting but not getting, or something you’re getting but not wanting, having the sex talk can be nerve-wrecking and somewhat uncomfortable. But when done right, having an honest conversation about your sex life doesn’t have to be an awkward or negative experience.
Here are 4 tips to help guide you through the big sex talk:
Know What You Want To Talk About
Before you bring the conversation up, you need to know what you want to accomplish – Do you want more sex? Less sex? More foreplay? Different foreplay? What is your end goal, here? That way, you can make sure the conversation is constructive and doesn’t veer off course.
Timing is Everything
No matter the topic, sex talks should always be approached outside the bedroom, in a neutral setting, like in the kitchen or living room. And they should never happen directly before, directly after, or even during sex (you might laugh, but believe me, it happens).
Sense the Tone
Depending on the problem you’re addressing, and the nature of the relationship you are in, your tone should match the nature of the talk. Is this a playful conversation about something fun that you want to try? Or is it a more serious one? Try and be sensitive to your partner’s feelings, because if it is difficult for you to talk about, it’s probably not so easy to hear either.
Keep It Positive
Accentuate the positive, and place the emphasis on what they are doing right. If there are things they are really knocking out of the park, let them know! Keep the conversation non-accusatory by using “I” statements instead of “You” statements (i.e. “I think it would be really sexy if you tried going down on me” versus “You never eat me out”).. See what I mean?
Like I always say, communication is a lubrication. Men are not mind-readers – If there is something you want, the only way to get it is to ask for it! You might even find that it brings you closer together as a couple, and opens up new sexual doors for you both.
I love hearing from you! Please send all your questions tofeedback@sexwithemily.com.
Want more Sex With Emily? Check out my podcasts for free on iTunes, my bookHot Sex and my iPhone apps Kegel Camp and Sex Drive. Check out my new intimate care line Emily & Tony for massage candles that turn into luxurious massage oil andDownUnder comfort to stay fresh and dry down there. Use Coupon Code SEXWITHEMILY or 20% off. Also, use coupon code EMILY for 15% off at Good Vibrations. These are my favorite sex toys and vibrators from Good Vibes: Sex Toy Recommendations (some restrictions apply). Never tried the #1 Male sex toy. Get a Fleshlight!
