Standing up for yourself is an important skill to learn for both your personal and professional lives. It’s even more important to learn how to stand up for yourself without alienating other people. Chances are the you feel the need to stand up for yourself because you want to continue your relationship with the person or people you’re standing up to, just on different terms. If you didn’t, you’d just walk away and hang out with folks who treat your better, right? When it comes to a romantic relationship, this applies, too. Sometimes your boo needs to be reminded how you expect to be treated. Here’s how to do it.
Plan it
Set aside time to talk to your man about the issue you’re having. I think it makes sense to actually block out time on his calendar. Make sure it’s a time when he’s really free, not during his favorite show or right when he gets home from work and needs to unwind. When you have his full attention, bring up the issue in a calm way and be open to discussion. Don’t just blurt out your thoughts during a fight. Practice what you want to say and deliver it in a planned way so you can control the message as much as possible. The planning and scheduling will help you communicate your needs as well as possible.
Have examples
Specific examples will help you out in a major way. Find one to three times that your man did the thing you want him to stop. Think about those instances and come up with other, more constructive ways you wish he handled the situation. Present these to him during the planned speech. Be prepared for a little push back. No one likes being confronted with times they were on bad behavior or inadvertently hurt someone they loved. So, his initial response may not be perfect. But, give him time to digest these examples and the better responses you suggested. He’ll come around if he’s a good guy.
Reward good behavior
When your man actually follows through and treats you in the way you asked to be treated, make sure he knows you appreciate it. Changing behavior is a difficult thing to do and it takes a lot of work. Let your fellow know how much you appreciate the changes he’s making and effort he’s putting in. A few kind words will definitely be enough, but you can also go above and beyond by creating a special date night for him or giving him extra loving in the bedroom, if you want!
If your man doesn’t respond well to any of the above, I say run, don’t walk, away from the dude. We all make mistakes and hurt the feelings of people we love. But, if he’s not eager to fix his errors after you’ve presented them in a calm and clear way, then it seems like he might be more of a bully than a boo. You deserve way better than that, lady!
