We’ve all been there, ladies. You’re dating a dude, and you’re on the verge of tipping the scales from casual dating to serious monogamy, but you’re not sure if this guy is marriage material. You don’t want to ask him because, well, talking about marriage only a few weeks into a relationship could make you sound crazy. But you kind of want to know because what’s the point of getting serious with someone you’re not going to marry? I mean, raise your hand if you haven’t been there. This is really, really common. While I’m always a proponent of open communication, I understand why you wouldn’t want to point blank ask him about marriage so early on in a relationship. So I created a little checklist for you to go over and see if he has any of these red flags.
None of his friends are married
Does your dude hang out only with other single guys? If that’s the case, I’m sorry to say that he’s probably not ready to get married. He’s still enjoying the single life and is surrounding himself with guys who feel the same way. I know you can explain this away by saying that he’s had the same friends all of his life. What is he supposed to do, ditch them when he wants to get married? But sister, take it from me, he’ll start hanging out with married couples when he’s ready to be in one.
Not meeting his family
Have you met the guy’s family, yet? When you’re on the verge of becoming monogamous and you haven’t met his family, then you’re staring down the barrel of a long-term relationship with no ring in sight. And I know that a lot of guys live far away from their families, but a phone call where you say hi or telling you that his family knows about you counts here. Has your guy done this yet? If not, he’s not looking for marriage.
No sense of his own future
Does your man know where he’s going and have a solid sense of his next five to ten years? There is absolutely no shame in not having your life planned out. For most of my 20s, I sure didn’t. But for most of my 20s, I was clearly not ready to get married. And a guy who doesn’t know what his future holds isn’t ready either. How can you expect him to commit to you when he can’t commit to a city, a career or even a style of haircut, you know?
His role models are all single
Who does your guy look up to? Is it a man like Barack Obama, who is very vocal about prioritizing his marriage and family in his life? Or is it a man like George Clooney or Al Pacino, who are famous for their careers, but also famous for being bachelors? If he looks up only to men who haven’t married or who have reputations of being players, you’ve got to assume that he’s going to emulate them at one point or another. So don’t count on marrying that man.
