I see both sides on a lot of situations. Chocolate or vanilla. Jacob or Edward. Jeggings or leggings. But when it comes to moving in before the ring, I see only one side. Don’t move in with your guy until you have a ring. No ifs, ands, buts, howevers or whatevers about it. I know it’s not a popular opinion, but my PattiKnows-ers, you know that popularity is nothing I worry about. I’ve seen clients do it, friends do it and celebrities do it. And every time I’m there at the end to say, “I told you so.” Here’s why I think it’s a massive mistake.
Living together sucks
Anyone who tells you living with a dude is like Christmas morning every day is lying to you. The truth is that moving in with someone is rough, and it’s very, very rough on a relationship. Even if you’re practically living together because you spend so much time at each other’s places, it’s not the same as actually living together. During those early rough stages of living with someone, it’s easy to throw in the towel because of a pile of dirty boxers or dishes in the sink. But if you have the commitment, you have so much more motivation to muscle through. You have a promise to fulfill that’s much more meaningful than a signature on a lease. If you move in before that commitment, you could be ruining a relationship that with a little more negotiation, compromise and maybe a regular visit from a cleaning lady, could work really well.
The mystery is gone
No matter how close you are with your honey, you have a little mystery appeal. He doesn’t quite know how that dress looked without control tops. Or how long you spend tweezing your eyebrows. Or how you sing every lyric of Sir Mix-a-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” when you shower. Keeping up a bit of a mystery is crucial until you get that ring. Once the X-factor is gone, you don’t have any bargaining chips left. And I know that I’m going to get a ton of hate for saying that. But get real. Relationships are just as cutthroat as business, and if you want that ring, do everything you can to get it. And that includes not showing all your cards too early.
Only live with one guy ever
Wake up call — living with someone isn’t a test out for the real deal. Living with someone is the real deal. To me, living with someone and then moving out is the same thing as breaking off an engagement. Think of moving in as not just putting together stuff or two names on a lease. Living together is a very physical and literal joining of two lives, just like a commitment to get married is. You should only move in with your future husband. And you only know if a guy is your future husband if he’s asked you to marry him.
What do you think? Who here moved in with their man pre-ring? How did it work out?
