So, you’re in a fight with your boo and you feel like you’re at a crossroads. You can either break up or make up. That’s a tough decision you have in front of you. Both options involve emotional pain and faith in yourself. I’m just really glad I’m not in your shoes! Totally kidding! Of course I’ve been there. I so feel you. In fact, everyone who’s ever been in a relationship feels you. And, as someone who kinda recently decided to end it with a really wonderful man when it wasn’t working, I think I have some extra insight into when you should break up and when you should make up. Here are three questions I think you need to ask yourself as you make this decision.
Have you fought about this before?
This is a biggie. Are you regularly fighting about the same things with no indication of change or compromise on the issues? If, for example, you two are fighting about him not putting enough effort into your relationship and you’ve had this same fight three times without seeing any change in his behavior, I think you have all of the information you need. You can either make up with him and accept your relationship as it is now or you can break up with him and get to looking for someone who’s a better fit. If you two aren’t always fighting about the same problems and when you do have a fight, the issues are addressed and resolved during your make up process, then I think you should definitely make up. Fights are a healthy part of the relationship and as long as your fights are making you stronger as a couple, it’s definitely worth sticking it out.
How often do you think this?
How often does breaking up with him cross your mind? If it’s a regular thought of yours, I think that speaks volumes about what you should do next. Relationships are supposed to be positive things that bring joy, support and love into your life. If you’re thinking about breaking it off with you man every week or every month, that indicates to me that your relationship is more work than it is reward. And that’s not how it should be.
What’s in your future?
Think about your future. Really think about it. I want you to pick a scene in your life that’s five years from now. You’re sitting at home and completely content with your life. Is this a home you share with the man you’re dating now? If it’s not, then break up with him. I don’t care how small the fight was. Don’t waste your time on someone you have no chance of a future with. If this man could be part of your future happiness, then I say make up with him. Fights happen to even the happiest couples. Don’t let one disagreement get in the way of your future life.
Hope that helps, my loves. I’m a proponent of following your gut. My only major life regrets are situations where I didn’t follow my gut early enough. So, if your gut is saying get out, I say run. If it’s staying figure it out, then stay. I love you all and know that you’ll make the right decision.
