We, as adults, are all about long-term investments. We invest in our 401k, we invest in our dream homes and our dream cars. We invest in a relationship that we believe will go the distance. And yet, we never think to invest in one of the most vital aspects of that relationship — our dream sex life. We focus so intently on the other pieces of the puzzle, and let sex just fade into the background without even realizing how important it really is.
A study published in Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that men and women who reported being unhappy with the amount of sex they were having also had the lowest levels of marital satisfaction. This just proves what we know in our hearts to be true: a happy sex life is a key factor in a happy relationship.
Since this is the time of year when people generally start setting goals for the year and making commitments to better habits, why not also make a commitment to keeping the sex going in your long term relationship?
Here are 3 simple sex goals that all couples should commit to (and stick to) to enjoy a more satisfying sex life in 2016!
1. Make Sex A Priority
It’s true, life does have a way of creeping in and distracting us from what’s going on between the sheets. Between the laundry, the bills and the stresses of work, it’s hard to really feel sexy with a storm-cloud of To-Do’s raining down on you. By the time your tired head hits the pillow, getting busy is the farthest thing from your mind. All the more reason why sex should actually get a bump to the top of your To-Do list.
I know, it might not sound sexy — “To Do: Pick up dry cleaning, defrost chicken, have sex, get toilet paper.” However it does help to mentally get ourselves in the sex mindset hours before the actual seduction occurs. Think of it as a sex date! You can spend all day planning out what you want to wear, how you want to set the mood and what bottle of wine you’ll crack open for the occasion. You might even send a sexy text message or two to heighten the anticipation. By the time you hit the bedroom, you will be more than ready to tackle the next item on your list: Hot sex!
2. Have the Sex Talk
Couples everywhere are experiencing the strangest predicament. We can talk about the news, the weather, our likes and dislikes, what shows we watch and our issues with our parents. Yet, when it comes to talking about sex, one of the most important aspects of any intimate relationship, we are tongue tied. We get into these sexual ruts that we can’t seem to talk our way out of, not because we don’t know what we want, but because we don’t know how to ask our partners for it in the bedroom.
Learning to talk to your partner about sex is the key to having an expansive and fulfilling sex life. The fact is, people who are able to communicate their sexual desires and needs in their relationships report higher levels of sexual satisfaction. Why? Because they’re getting exactly what they want! The alternative is spending the rest of your relationship not having your sexual needs met… Not exactly a winning option.
So maybe you’re ready to open up those lines of sexual communication, but you don’t where to start? Talking about sex is an acquired skill for most people and like anything else, it takes practice. Create an open, judgement-free environment in which you can discuss what you both want sexually. Share your fantasies and desires with one another and discuss new areas that you would like to explore together. It’s like I always say, communication is a lubrication, so it’s best to just start talking and take it from there.
3. Try New Things
Think about your all-time favorite meal. Now imagine having that same meal every single day, for years. No matter how delicious it is, after a while, you are going to start craving something a little different. The same goes for your sex life. No matter how wonderful the sex is, if you’re doing the same thing year after year, things are going to start to feel a little stale. So instead of sticking to what you know, and enjoying mediocre comfort-food sex for years to come, why not add a little spice?
If you know you’re ready to mix things up but could use some inspiration, try watching a little erotica together. When you see something you’re interested in recreating, hit the pause button and try it out! You and your partner can purchase a sex toy you’ve never tried before (like the brand new g-spot loving Rave by We-Vibe) and do a little exploring. Or better yet, take a trip to your local sex shop to pick out a toy together! The point is to make a commitment to trying new things as a couple. The shared experiences will help enhance intimacy and add a spicy new level to your sex life.
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Have a question? Email me feedback@sexwithemily.com.
