The saying is “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.” And that’s very true. What the saying doesn’t cover is that you’re also going to need to break up with those frogs so that you’re single and available when your prince comes around. And there’s a right way to end a relationship and many, many wrong ways to do it. I’m a big believer in karma and treating other people how you’d want to be treated. So, I think it’s mega important to dump a guy the right way. It’ll be uncomfy in the moment, of course. Hurting someone’s feelings is never easy. But, you’re going to hurt him any way you do this. So, you might as well do it in a way that will leave you with a clean conscious and make sure you don’t burn any bridges. Here’s how.
Do it in person
I know this sounds demanding and intense. And I’m not going to tell you that it’s anything but. I will say that it’s worth it, though. If you’re breaking up with him, that means you had a relationship. And any connection between two people who respect each other is worth ending in person. Schedule a time where you two can talk quietly in a private place and then let him know that the relationship is over for you. There may be tears—on his part and yours—and there may be words. It’ll benefit both of you if you’re in front of each other in the moment. It cuts down on misinterpretation and miscommunication and allows for final hugs and closure. It may seem like breaking up with him in person is doing him a favor, but really, you’ll be doing yourself a favor by ending the relationship in the manner it’s due.
Don’t give a reason
This is a tricky part of the break up. You don’t want to get into the specifics of why you’re breaking up with him. Specific reasons will seem pressing to him in the moment, but the truth is that it doesn’t matter. It’s not the relationship you want to be in and it’s time to end it. You love what you had, but don’t think continuing is the right move for either of you. That’s all you should say. Small things that contributed to your decision like an unsatisfying sex life, not liking his friends, not respecting the way he handles his finances and not sharing the same faith aren’t reasons you should mention. When you’re breaking up with him, your mind should be made up and it’s a done deal. Giving him reasons that he feels like he could change to win you back won’t be helpful to the conversation and might give him false hope. Keep reiterating that it’s just not the relationship for you and don’t get into specifics.
Be open for follow up
Your first break up conversation likely won’t be the last, especially if this comes as a shock to him. So, be available for follow up conversation. I’d advise maintaining boundaries here and keeping these further conversations to phone calls. He’s still going to be confused and will probably be more insistent on reasons here. Stick to your guns and keep saying the same things you said in the break up conversation. Being available to him is less about actually changing or clarifying anything and instead validating and honoring the relationship you had. Let him know that you still care even if you don’t want to be romantically involved with him any more.
Break ups are never easy. But know that if you handle your break up the right way, you’ll be setting yourself up for success in future relationships energetically (I’m spiritual like that!) and in terms of your reputation.
