Have you been keeping up with The Bachelorette this season? I’m obsessed with the show in general, but this season isn’t doing it for me. Everyone just kind of seems vanilla to me. There aren’t really any bad boys or rule breakers. And as much as I hate to use this phrase, it does seem like everyone is there for the “right reasons.” Of course, that’s a good thing for Andi. At the end of the day, you don’t want to end up with someone who’s trouble. But, it does make for less exciting TV viewing. One thing I’ve noticed more this season than any other is how quickly the men are telling Andi they love her. Marcus told her on the first date, which she seemed to dig. But, that felt way, way too early to me. I take love very seriously (I made it my business for crying out loud!) and if anyone told my clients or me on a first date they were in love, it would be creepy, not romantic. So, here are some tips for when I think it’s the right time to say, “I love you.”
Before you meet the parents
Meeting a significant other’s family is major. It’s the kind of milestone you should only cross if you think there’s a chance you could be walking down the aisle together. Be in love with your man before you take the plunge and introduce him to your family or meet his. You two should be very comfortable with each other and with expressing your emotions before looping in family. Anyone who’s been to another family’s Thanksgiving dinner and sat between a B.O. ridden cousin and a creepy uncle knows that it’s only something you’d do for a person you love.
After monogamy
You know that song that goes, “First comes love, then comes marriage.” Well, I think it kind of starts in the middle of things. There should be an opening line that goes, “First comes monogamy, then comes love, then comes marriage.” You need to be comfortably committed to someone before you open up about love. Don’t let yourself love someone who’s dating other people. That’s just cruising for a bruising. And it’s one of my biggest issues with The Bachelorette and The Bachelor. On the shows, monogamy comes literally minutes before a wedding proposal in most cases. That just seems so icky to me. But, of course, it makes great television!
Before you talk future
This one is where relationships get really complicated. Before having a serious discussion about kids, finances and five-year-plans you should be comfortable saying, “I love you.” Of course, falling in love with someone whose plans and philosophies don’t sync up with yours is a real danger here. But, that’s just part of the gamble of being in a relationship. Love can hurt and there are no guarantees with newbie relationships.
After you can see a future
I know, I know. You’re probably thinking that this point conflicts with my last point and, I’m going to be honest, it does. I want you to be able to see a future with your man before you say, “I love you,” but talk about it after he says that he loves you. And when I say that you can see a future with him, I mean that you can see him melding well with your friends, see him getting along with your family, see facing problems with him and see having serious discussions about life trajectories. If this guy isn’t someone you can envision in those scenarios, don’t waste your time falling in love. There’s a very loveable guy out there waiting for you who you’ll be able to see a future with!
How many months in do you normally wait before “I love yous” are exchanged?
