Even though you’ve come to accept your man watches porn, you still feel like you aren’t enough for him sexually. Does his porn watching have to do with you? What can you do to help rebuild the relationship? Emily Morse is here to the rescue!
Dear Emily,
I am very educated about sexual health and open minded sexually, but I have a hard time accepting my boyfriend’s porn habit. I thought that our sex life was great, and we love trying new things and experimenting, but he still reverts back to his favorite XXX videos. I can’t help wondering… Aren’t I enough?
I’ve seen porn before, and I get that all guys watch it, but I can’t help feeling a little insecure. Is he comparing me to the women in his favorite pornos? I don’t know what to do to accept the habit. It isn’t fair for me to ask him to stop, so how can I get used to it? Help!
Thanks.
Marie
Dear Marie,
As strange as it may sound, your boyfriend watching porn has very little to do with you. Men are more visual creatures and get excited by visual stimuli, which is why pornography is so appealing. Porn also feeds the male need for fantasy and creates a world where the women are insatiable, hypersexual and willing to please. Research shows that men who watch porn do not consider it to be a relationship betrayal, any more than you would consider watching Magic Mike for the 97th time to be a betrayal. Porn is not a substitute for a real life partner. Chances are, your man has been masturbating to porn long before you came along, and will continue to do so after, more as a pastime or a stress-reliever after a long day.
It’s natural for women to see the uber-sexual women of porn and feel insecure. These women ooze confidence and sex appeal, leaving many of us feeling inadequate. Then we see our partners drooling over what they see on the screen and worry that we can never measure up. But keep this in mind: for most men, having you there, in the flesh, is more arousing and than any of the women in porn because you are more than just a fantasy – you’re real!
It’s true that men may see certain acts in porn and wish that they could be recreated, but that is where the fun comes in! Instead of rebelling against your partner’s porn-fueled desires, bring them to life. Have the sex conversation that so many couples are unwilling or afraid to have. Talk about your fantasies with each other. Dying to be tied up? Let him know!! He wants you to do a strip tease? Put on your favorite lingerie and music next time you’re together and shake it! That way, you can incorporate your real-life abilities into his fantasies and possibly make his dreams come true, something that no porn star can do.
If your guy’s porn viewing has you feeling left out, let him know you’d like to watch together. Ask him if you can pick a flick for you both to enjoy together. GoodVibrations After Dark has a great selection of sex-positive adult films, many made by women for women and couples that you can choose together and watch on demand. You might just find it to be an arousing experience for the both of you!
xxx
Emily
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Want more Sex With Emily? Check out my podcasts for free on iTunes, my bookHot Sex and my iPhone apps Kegel Camp and Sex Drive. Check out my new intimate care line Emily & Tony for massage candles that turn into luxurious massage oil and DownUnder comfort to stay fresh and dry down there. Use Coupon Code SEXWITHEMILY or 20% off. Also, use coupon code EMILY for 15% off at Good Vibrations. These are my favorite sex toys and vibrators from Good Vibes: Sex Toy Recommendations (some restrictions apply). Never tried the #1 Male sex toy. Get a Fleshlight Here.
