Starting 2015 off single? Don’t worry, you are not alone! Now is the perfect time to reflect on your past relationships, and determine what you are looking for in your next partner. It is also the perfect time of year to take this next piece of advice into consideration. I promise if you do, it will make all the difference in your love life.
Stop looking for a match based purely on chemistry.
When singles date, they usually place value on three things, in this order:
1. Chemistry
2. Common interests
3. Similar relationship goals and values
Yes, these are the three things you should look for in a partner, but the order above is wrong! Chemistry equals attraction, and in my experience, solely chemistry is the worst basis for a long-term relationship or marriage. In fact, a match based on chemistry rarely lasts very long at all.
When you are wildly attracted to someone, your endorphins go crazy and you can’t think straight! You in essence become blinded by “love” (or lust more likely!) and don’t see the things about this person that might make them a terrible match for you.
To find someone who could be a successful long-term match, you actually have to place these three things in the opposite order. Top priority should be common relationship goals and values, then common interests, and finally chemistry. Here is why…
Common relationship goals are so important because if for example you know that you want marriage and kids and the person you are excited about just wants a casual relationship, that is obviously not going to work. It will end in heartbreak, no matter how much you think the attraction and chemistry is there.
Values matter a lot as well because for example, if you love animals and nature, are super generous of heart, and always want to give peace a chance, it might be tough to go for a militant conservative that has no interest in nature, animals, or peace. You get the point!
Common interests are what bring you together and keep you together. Even if you don’t have interests that are totally aligned, there have to be a few things that you love doing together to keep things exciting and fun.
Finally, of course chemistry does need to be present, you should be attracted to your mate, but it is not the end all be all. If you meet someone that you are on the fence about chemistry wise but know you have the same goals, values, and interests, give it sometime! You might be pleasantly surprised to learn about the person in front of you.
Cheers to love!
