I was watching the Shahs of Sunset reunion—yes, I’m that far behind on my TV! It’s been a busy summer!—and Asa was taking a lot of shit for keeping her relationship off camera. Even though they were pushing her on it, the entire cast did agree that her relationship was going to last the longest out of all of theirs because she was keeping it private. That got me thinking about how sometimes secret relationships are the best relationships. When it comes to happiness in a relationship, it’s now about how happy you seem to everyone else. It’s about how happy you actually are. And often keeping your relationship to just the two of you is the best way to secure that happiness. Of course, a secret relationship can also be a bad thing, too. It can mean that one of you isn’t proud of being together or that there’s something to hide. So, I thought I’d clarify when it’s OK to have a secret relationship.
When there’s drama
So, I know being on reality television is an extreme case of drama, but it’s a very real scenario to me. And there are some elements of previous relationships I wish I kept secret. Of course, your situation doesn’t have to be on camera to count as drama. Maybe you have a toxic friend group or a disapproving mother. Or maybe your ex is all over your social media. If there’s drama that would come from going public with your new boo, it makes complete sense to keep your relationship secret for as long as possible. Drama can be a relationship killer, so stave it off for as long as possible.
When you’re new
A new relationship is fragile. It’s like a little plant. When plants are young, you care for them by keeping them indoors, watering them every day and protecting them from the elements. You wait until they’ve matured and are hearty to plant them outside to fend for themselves. You should do the same thing with a relationship! Before you go public on social media or even bring him out to hang with your friends, make sure the two of you are on solid footing. The best way to do that is to keep your relationship on the down low for the first few months.
When you’re OK with it
Here’s the big truth about secret relationships. They’re totally OK when you’re OK with them. If you feel more comfortable keeping the lid on your relationship, that’s exactly what you should do. If, however, you want to sing about your love from the rooftops and your boo is making you keep quiet for reasons you don’t understand, then that might be a sign that the secrecy isn’t cool and it’s time to duck out on this dude, secretly or in public.
I hope that helps you guys with your secret relationship worries. Now, I have to get back to clearing out this DVR!
