I’m totally needy when it comes to PDA. I fully admit that. I like to be touched and held and kissed in public. It’s what makes me feel the most loved. It communicates to me that my man is attracted to me and proud of me and wants the world to know it. In my mind, there’s nothing not to love about PDA. But, I’ve dated men who weren’t that into PDA and some men who were very much anti-PDA. I’m not going to say that I started out an expert on how to navigate being in couple with opposing views on PDA, but, after a lot of trial and error, I’ve turned into one. And I’m here to explain how to deal if your man hates PDA and you love it.
Check yourself
If you’re feeling major push back on your needs for PDA, pump the brakes for a sec and check yourself. Is what you’re asking for reasonable? Do you want a little shoulder squeeze and peck while you’re waiting in line for the movies? That sounds reasonable to me. Or are you asking for a backrub during his family’s Thanksgiving dinner? That’s a whole lot less reasonable. I get that touch is an important part of feeling desired, but there are some situations where your desire to be desired needs to take a back seat. Double check yourself to be sure you’re not asking for anything over the line.
How else to fulfill your needs
If you’re asking for a socially acceptable amount of touching and your boo just plain isn’t into it, then get creative. What would his PDA be making you feel? For me, it’s that a kiss in public makes me feel loved and lets me know that my guy is attracted to me. It would be possible for him to communicate that with words, too. So, talk to him and see if he can substitute some kind, loving words while you’re out in public for the touching you’d normally want. See how that works. Also, even the most anti-PDA men are normally ok with handholding. You could develop a little love language through hand squeezes. Two short squeezes mean “I love you.” Three in a row mean “Wish I could be kissing you.” What’s important is that your needs are met. So, be clear about communicating them.
Can you deal
How a person expresses and perceives affection are important things to be compatible on. You need to decide if you can deal with this disconnect. And if he can, too. I’m guessing that if you’re super into touch and PDA and he’s not at all, there are other ways to express affection that he’d like that you’re not naturally inclined to do. For some couples, this is fine. A little effort and creative thinking on both people’s parts can lead to a very happy and healthy relationship. But, for some couples, it’s too big a gap and can’t be bridged. If that’s you guys, you need to decide if you can deal with a rift like that in your relationship.
I know that you’ll find a guy who will PDA you up if that’s what you need. So, don’t settle for feeling undesired. Promise me that, k?
