Question
My kids are at college and out of the house. I am single mom, and feel like it is my turn to get living. I need some help though. I have no idea how to begin. Where in the world do I start?
Answer
First things first, you are not alone. Just this past week I had two men come into my office and ask the exact same question. They both are single, have children who no longer live at home, and are looking to begin living for themselves again. I could sense that each of them was excited about the possibilities of this new chapter, but had no idea where to begin.
Here is a little guidance. Start by taking inventory of all the things you always said you wanted to do one day, or you felt were not possible while you were taking care of your family. A bucket-list of sorts for your next phase of life.
Think of what you can do to make yourself feel joy each day. It may surprise you that the things that would bring you the most joy are simple, like seeing more of your friends, taking it easy, joining a new club, or finding a romantic partner. Happiness is more attainable than we all realize. It is not dependant on our status financially.
Now, make it happen!
Most of us live our lives by rules we create for ourselves. We must be responsible. We must put our family first. We have to work long hours at our jobs that we might not love. Now is the time to take off the handcuffs and see the world in a new way.
Take advantage of not needing to rush home to your kids anymore. If you are a social person, or want to expand your social network, go out whenever possible. When you see an interesting art gallery, or a new restaurant on your way home, walk inside and join in right then and there. Become more aware of your surroundings and live spontaneously. Challenge yourself. Don’t put any limitations on what you think you should or should not be doing.
Another issue a lot of people face in this stage of life is feeling isolated. Don’t let these feelings paralyze you. There are many people in the exact same boat who are looking to connect with someone new. Your current friends do not have the be the only friends you have for the rest of your life. Don’t be afraid to go out on your own. When you get to your destination there will be a whole room full of potential friends and future connections for you to meet.
This brings me to dating! You may have heard that once a woman gets to a certain age there are 3 eligible men for every 10 women. I want you to tear that statistic up. Those types of thoughts create limiting beliefs and close off possibilities. If you open your eyes, become the person you want to be, and are motivated about this new phase of life, than the possibilities of who you will meet are endless. You will be fighting off all three of those guys! Remember to be open, non-judgmental, happy, curious, and FLIRT!! Flirting never goes out of style.
Don’t believe me? Here is a great story. My stepmother is in her early 70’s and is a widow. She wanted to fall in love again very badly, so she put herself out into the dating scene, ended up re connecting with a man from her past, and they are now engaged! Had she listened to the statistics and the naysayers she would be sitting at home alone. Instead she is getting married in the spring, and is renovating a new home with someone she cares for deeply.
The bottom line is that you need to get out of your house and mix up your current routine. Make your list of things that will make your life more fulfilling, and live the life you always dreamt of living. If you try new things and meet new people, happiness and love will not be far behind.
If you are interested in working with a matchmaker in your area, we can help you find one! Go to – Matchmaking Institute – and fill out your information.
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