A friend of mine has been dating her man for about 18 months and they’re ready to get engaged. I’m so happy for her and she’s so happy for herself, but she confessed to me that she’s a little bummed her parents and brothers don’t know her dude better. She lives in Los Angeles now and her family is back on the East Coast. They’ve met her man a few times and he even came home with her once, but he’s probably spent a total of five days with her family. She feels like that’s not enough time for her family, whom she’s very close with, to get a good sense of her guy. And she feels weird making this man a part of a family he doesn’t even know. Here’s what I told her to do.
Force it
If you live across the country from your family, there’s no natural way to get your man more involved in your family. You’re going to have to force it. Have group FaceTime calls with members of your family while he’s in the room. Sure, it’ll be awkward at first, but eventually, it’ll make everyone more comfortable talking to each other. When your family’s in your town or you two are in their town, spend every single second together. Over do it! Go out of your way, and ask your man to go out of his, to spend time back in your family’s hometown. You’re going to have to put a lot of time, thought and muscle into getting your family to know your man and your man to know your family, but it’ll be worth it.
Talk a lot
Even if your family and man can’t spend a lot of time together, if you talk about your family to your man, he’ll feel like he knows them. And same thing about talking to your family about your man. Tell your family about all the sweet things your boo does for you. Sure, this could get sappy, but your family wants to like and include someone who makes you happy. Make sure they know this fellow does just that by letting them in on all the details of it.
Trust yourself
Bottom line, who you marry is your decision. Even if you lived in your parents’ basement and they knew every single detail of all of your relationships, the decision about who you marry wouldn’t involve them at all. I fully understand why having your family’s seal of approval is important, but it’s not even close to the most important factor in making this lifetime partner decision. So, trust yourself because you’re the voice that really matters here. And I’m also pretty sure that if you think your man is wonderful, your family will too, no matter how long it takes them to get to know him.
After our little chat, my girlfriend is way more confident about moving ahead in her relationship, even though her family isn’t going to know her boo any better before they get engaged. Hopefully you’re feeling more confident after reading this, too!
