You’ve got this new guy in your life. He’s hot. You’re hot. And when you two are together, it’s definitely hot. With all of this hotness bubbling up, it’s hard to see through the steam to tell if you have a real relationship or if he’s just recruiting you as a booty call. If you’re like me, you appreciate a good physical connection (who doesn’t?), but if you’re looking for something more, here’s how to make sure your relationship is about more than just booty.
No sex before monogamy
Call me old school, but they got a lot of things right in the old days and this was one of them. Sure, you can kiss and make out before you have the exclusivity talk, but don’t let his pecker get anywhere near you until you two have committed to each other. If commitment is what you want, then hold off on the sex, and when you have the exclusive talk, make what you’re looking for and your relationship expectations really clear. If his vision for your relationship doesn’t match up, move on to the next guy.
Plan sex-less dates
If you’ve already broken my monogamy rule, it doesn’t mean there’s no hope for a real future. You do need to take a step back from the sex and assess though! If your physical chemistry is blinding you from being able to gauge if you two really connect anywhere outside the bedroom, then plan dates that don’t involve the bedroom at all. And I mean dates that don’t even end up in the bedroom. Time together without touching will make the quality of your connection really apparent. If this is a big change from your normal dating habits, be up-front with him about how the night’s going to end before you set out on your date. It’ll manage his expectations and keep him from trying to tempt you to go beyond a goodnight kiss. Keep tabs on his reactions — he should be supportive of your choice to skip on sleeping over.
Talk to him
There’s no point in keeping your booty call fears to yourself. Talk to him about how you think the physical parts of your relationship feel more developed than the emotional parts. Let him know how you’re feeling, and ask him what he thinks. The truth is if he’s just out to get laid, no amount of work or effort on your part is going to turn what you have into a relationship. But if he’s a great guy who didn’t realize that he was putting a little too much emphasis on your body and not enough on your heart, he might be able to change, and you two could have a wonderfully fulfilling relationship between the sheets and beyond.
