Dear Emily,
I am 26-years-old and (as far as I know) I have never orgasmed during sex. I have an amazing boyfriend that I am so incredibly in love with. I’m having the best sex of my life and I still feel like I should orgasm because my body tightens up, my breathing quickens, and my muscles feel slightly strained. However, I never orgasm. My boyfriend has recently expressed his feelings of inadequacy because of this fact, and to be honest I feel like something is broken because I can’t orgasm. I have tried on my own, with him, and stimulating myself with him. I felt like I have come very close recently but then it just goes away…(GAH!) I feel close when I’m on top and my clitoris is simultaneously hitting his pubic mound as I’m thrusting. PLEASE HELP US! We both really want me to orgasm!
Thanks!
Sylvia
Dear Sylvia,
If you aren’t sure if you’ve orgasmed, you haven’t orgasmed. Trust me, you’ll know when it happens.
The good news is that you’re having the best sex of your life AND you’re incredibly in love with your boyfriend. Now all you need is a mind-blowing orgasm and your life will be complete.
If you want to orgasm during sex, you have to take responsibility for your own pleasure. Your boyfriend isn’t sexually inadequate and your body isn’t broken. You just need more clitoral stimulation to get you there. Not only do 75% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, many women require lots of it. Most sex positions offer little to no clitoral stimulation. When you’re on top you experience more clitoral stimulation, but it’s still not enough.
If you want to orgasm during sex, you have to take responsibility for your own pleasure.
Some women orgasm relatively easy through manual stimulation or sex. Others need a vibrator. For you I would suggest buying a subtle yet powerful clitoral vibrator like theJe Joue MiMi. Rub some Crazy Girl Orgasm Gel on your clitoris and use your vibe on your own before using it with your boyfriend. Once you’ve mastered your masturbation technique, apply vibrations to your clitoris while he’s inside of you. Picking a sex position like the Anvil, with your legs over his shoulders in missionary position, is perfect for using your vibrator. You will have full access to your clitoris to use your vibrator while he moves in-and-out.
If you really need to step it up get an Original Magic Wand and use that during sex. It’s not subtle, but it is effective. If you don’t orgasm after a minute or two using that during sex then we should talk.
Get a toy and try to enjoy the ride. If you’re having the best sex of your life with someone you love, don’t get too caught up with grand finale. It will happen when it happens. And when it does it will be even more amazing.
xxx,
Emily
Want more Sex With Emily? Check out my podcasts for free on iTunes, my book Hot Sex and my iPhone apps Kegel Camp and Sex Drive.
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