It’s always surprising to me when I see a young, beautiful, accomplished woman tell me that “all the good ones are taken.” As a relationship therapist I hear this complaint all the time, but does it have any truth?
Most of us are convinced that people 10 years younger have it easier, have more selection, and that more people want dates in a lower age range. The ironic part is that men and women of all ages tell me the same story – but they’re all young, eligible, and very dateable.
I’m here to tell you with confidence that no, all the good ones are not taken! There are plenty of eligible, good looking, and actually intelligent people out there, no matter what your age – and there are lots of ways to find them.
Here are some common areas that my clients make mistakes while looking for love and how to fix them:
1. Redefine what “Good” Means:
No, “good” doesn’t mean they must meet a pre-determined and random set of YOUR criteria: i.e.: 7 figure salary, have traveled to Europe, like sushi, dress in Gucci. I realized that many daters use ‘good’ to mean ‘acceptable by me’ and these criteria usually include trivial and unimportant things!
From a relationship perspective, a ‘good’ relationship is someone you share values with, have similar lifestyle preferences, and of course, is someone you love. A date making you feel like the best version of yourself is an amazing place to start!
2. Be Realistic:
It’s unrealistic to expect that you’ll easily find love in an environment where there aren’t other people looking for relationships. Carefully evaluate where you’re going and take a close look at the ratio of single people who are there. Social gatherings of more than 20 people and summertime outdoor intramural sports are great options in terms of guy-girl (single) ratios, and can increase your likelihood of meeting new people. Online dating is another amazing option that’s guaranteed to have other singles looking for love.
3. Trust in the Process:
Committing to it fully will make you more likely to succeed (instead of half-assing a date and then complaining that it didn’t work out). If you want to find love, treat it like an investment of your time just like education or finances. Take time each week to think about how you want to date, where your successes have been, and how to repeat those successes. Stay positive and know that it’s going to happen for you.
4. Love Yourself:
I say this from the bottom of my heart. If you don’t feel good about yourself and what you’ve achieved, how can you expect to find someone who loves you just as much? Work on your relationship with yourself by taking care of yourself, recognizing your intelligence and knowing that YOU’RE LOVEABLE. That’s the first place to start.
