I received an e-mail from my buddy Andy the other day. She was casually seeing a guy for about four months. She made the mistake of sleeping with him the first time they went out.
Let me clarify, this isn’t a general mistake. There’s no correlation between when a couple consummates a relationship and how long they stay together.
There’s no right time because everybody is different. There’s no statistics out there stating if you sleep with him on the fourth date, it leads to a marriage.
There’s no statistics out there saying if you sleep with him on the first date, it leads to disaster. What happens after you sleep together is was matters.
The guy Andy was casually seeing told her, the first time they went out, he wanted to keep seeing her with one stipulation:
He didn’t want anyone to know he was seeing her.
This is where Andy made her mistake.
She allowed the relationship to continue.
She truly believed he cared for her.
He didn’t care for her at all. She wanted to believe that he cared for her. Andy was needy and wanted a relationship so badly, she was willing to take any scraps that came her way. Here are 4 ways to ensure you don’t make the same mistake…
1.Listen to What Your Man is Telling You
If you don’t listen to what your date has to say, you’re going to go down the same disastrous road as Andy …
Convincing yourself that he cared about you, when he told you point blank, he didn’t want anyone to know about you –
When a man says he wants to keep the relationship a secret what he’s really saying is he wants to keep screwing you without any of the responsibilities that come with being a boyfriend.
He’s telling you that you’re great to be with in the bedroom, but there’s no way he wants to walk around and let everyone know you’re together.
2. Think About How He Sees You
When a man is excited about a woman, he’s going to walk down the street like she’s a trophy. He’s going to feel great around you. He’s going to want the world to see– he wants everybody to see his accomplishment, because that’s the way we are wired.
We look at you as a trophy in a lot of ways, and want everybody to see what a beautiful amazing girlfriend we have on our arm.
If you haven’t met any of his friends or family, if he only calls you last minute, if he doesn’t take you out on a real date, you are a booty call.
Men will tell you exactly what they are thinking right from the get-go. You deserve to be a trophy. Men are hunters. You should be his 10 point buck.
3. Don’t Waste Time
Andy’s e-mail got even worse at the end. She said she wanted to try again with this guy, but she wasn’t sure how. She wanted to know how to be close to him. How to get him to spend time with her.
She worried that his history with women (apparently he’d been dumped a lot and had emotional issues) was the cause of his indifference.
Bullshit.
There is no way to get this guy to get close to you. You’re dating a guy that doesn’t want to be close to you. He’s giving you every sign imaginable but you can’t let it go because you’ve invested time and you think you can make somebody love you.
4. Know the Terms of Your Relationship
If you’re comfortable with being a booty call…
If all you’re looking for is sex..
And most importantly, if the sex is satisfying to you…
Congratulations! You’ve found your man.
If not, you need to see the relationship for what is –
He’s masturbating inside you. You don’t mean anything to him. I’m sorry if I’m being crude, but I think you need to hear it. Stop making excuses for him. You are not the wrong woman for him because there is no woman for him.
He doesn’t want a girlfriend he wants a plaything. Again, there’s no such thing as right or wrong in a relationship, only what’s best for you.
Having a friend with benefits can be gratifying as long as you both know the terms of the agreement. But if you’re looking for a relationship, and I assume that’s why you’re here, you need to use all five of your senses.
Does he look at you with adoration?
Is he showing you off to his friends?
Is he calling you his girlfriend?
Does he touch you without expecting it leading to sex?
You know the signs, now.
Don’t be just another booty call.
