Dealing with a blow off is never fun. We’ve all been there and often the worst blow off comes from a guy. As women, we believe that we should have the power because we have the pussy. But that’s not always the case. I’ve been blown off one too many times and have come across a few gems from a few assholes. Here are my top three blow offs:
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The setup:
We are driving to go pick up some delicious fast food. It might have been Jack in the Box (cue food poisoning). We are stopped at a red light. I lean over to give him a kiss.
The blow off:
“I would kiss you right now, but I just put in a new piece of gum.”
Reaction:
Ouch. Isn’t the purpose of gum to make your breath minty fresh for making out? Are you afraid I’m going to steal your gum? Did I steal gum from you at some point and this is your passive aggressive way of telling me? A red light isn’t that long, and to be honest, I was just going in for a nice peck, but now you get nothing, asshole. I hope your Big Red keeps your warm at night.
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The setup:
We are on a romantic date and we stop off for post-dinner drinks. Since I’m driving, I’m trying to be conservative. He, on the other hand, is double fisting and slurring his words (not cute). I mention something about some lingerie I bought for our night ahead.
The blow off:
“Actually, we won’t be having sex tonight. Actually, I won’t be able to because I’d rather finish this bottle of champagne I just ordered.”
Reaction:
I hope Victoria’s Secret lets me refund this clearance piece of lingerie because obviously it wasn’t worth my money. You’re going to turn down sex for alcohol? That’s so romantic. When can I take you home to meet my parents? I think they’re really going to like you.
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The setup:
We made plans to go out and I was confirming said plans via text.
The blow off:
“I can’t hang out tonight. I have to send a fax.”
Reaction:
Did we just teleport back to 1999? Did I actually send this message via AOL Instant Messenger instead of text? Did I just spend $400 to see *NSYNC (jk, I’d still do that in 2014)? Also, have you ever sent a fax? You know it takes all of one minute unless it’s a 1,000 page document you’re sending? Why are you sending a 1,000 page document? Are you sending said document to 5 million people? Also, there’s this cool new thing called email that works really well. I’m not sure if you’ve heard of it, but if you had kept our plans to hang out, I might have shown it to you.
Sadly, these blow offs are not all from the same guy, and I’m sure I will encounter many, many more before I meet Prince Charming. For now, ladies, if you are ever blown off and it’s half as bad as any of these, please run in the opposite direction. Just remember, you are always more important than a fax.
