I’d love to say that the annoying question “Why are you still single?” comes up only on holidays, but every single girl out there knows that’s not the case. This inane question pops its ugly head out all the time. Family events. Friend gatherings. Business dinners. Even first dates. Why, oh, why would someone want to make you feel like shit about being single on a first date? He got to go out with you because you’re single! Sheesh! Anyway, the big question (after you get asked the annoying question) is how to deal with it? Well, I have some tips.
Figure out why they’re asking
Chances are that the asker of the question doesn’t really understand how icky that question is and isn’t trying to annoy you. So, think about why they’re asking. Could it be because they’re trying to make conversation? Are they feeling uncomfortable? Is it a weird, convoluted compliment they don’t realize actually reads like an insult? I was once at a family dinner where a family friend with dementia kept asking me the question on repeat in front of the whole group, obviously forgetting that he’d just asked the same thing five minutes ago. I kept feeling angry about it, but I had to remind myself that this wasn’t his fault and his intention wasn’t to make me feel like crap on repeat. Before you rage, try to view the question through their lens. It could help you deal.
Focus on your goal
What do you want out of this interaction? Do you want them to never ask this question again? Then flat out say that, but in a polite way, of course. Do you want them to set you up? Then tell them it’s because you haven’t met the right guy yet and you’re on the hunt for set ups. Share your non-negotiables with them and then ask for any potential matches. Do you want advice on how you could be meeting more people? Then take the conversation that way. Instead of letting that annoying question spin you out, flip the script and guide the dialogue into exactly what would best serve you.
Know that you’re fantastic
No matter how the conversation goes or what you’re feeling afterwards, you’re incredible. I know it! You don’t need to be in a relationship to prove it. And I’m pretty sure the person who’s asking you about why you’re single knows it, too. Your awesomeness is that obvious! If getting asked about your singledom makes you feel really crappy, I say write down all of the fears and worries it brings up and then write down why each of those fears and worries actually isn’t true. When I do that, it makes me feel so much better! Sometimes you just need to remind yourself that you’re a star!
Hope that helps you deal with that annoying question! Good luck out there in holiday conversation land and beyond!
