In case you haven’t heard, stress is very much the silent killer. From your health to your waistline to your ability to get a good night’s sleep, it has many unpleasant and downright unfair side effects. But there’s one more place stress also strikes, that hits a little bit below the belt.
Stress is one of the biggest killers of women’s sex drive. As if we didn’t have enough to worry about…
It’s true that women everywhere are walking around under the epic storm cloud of their “to-do lists” – they’re worrying about the dishes, the laundry, the dog, that report for work. Toss in the worries about not having enough sex and it’s like a one-woman monsoon! By the time you hit the bedroom, it’s raining stress all over your sex life, which is not the best aphrodisiac.
We put so much pressure on ourselves to be model employees, girlfriends, wives, mothers and overall human beings, while also trying to be the nubile sex kittens that cannot wait to pounce on our lovers the minute they walk through the door. When we can’t live up to these expectations – BOOM! – more stress. It’s a vicious cycle.
I’m not saying that you can’t have it all. You can be superwoman by day and super-sex-bombshell by night. But first, you’re going to have to let go of all those To-Do’s and free yourself up for some more pleasurable activities
Step 1: Make Relaxation Your Top “To-Do”
It doesn’t matter how much you want to surrender yourself to the act of love-making. If your brain isn’t on board, the rest of you isn’t going to have much fun either. So while your body is going through the motions, your brain is going “Did I remember to email my boss? I think I’ve gained weight. Is he enjoying himself? I need to go grocery shopping”.
So before you even hit the bedroom, your first move is to help yourself de-stress. Meditate, read a book, take a walk, get a massage and prioritize taking time for yourself. This isn’t just a suggestion, it’s requirement for a woman’s emotional and physical well being. Women are preternaturally wired to put their downtime on the back burner but by squeezing in even 20 minutes a day of “me time” they should feel noticeably lighter and more open for sex.
Step 2: Help Yourself Get Into The Mood
In this day and age, and with your busy agenda, sometimes the best way to prioritize sex is to put it on the schedule. It may not sound very sexy, but it does give you time to help yourself get into the right mindset for sex.
Set aside some prep time. Take a steamy shower, shave your legs, do your hair, and put on your lingerie early. Not only will this naturally get you in mood, but it can be relaxing and meditative to take time for yourself. Then it’s time to create the perfect stress-free sex sanctuary. Clear the space of paperwork, kids toys, and projects. Set the atmosphere by lighting candles, turning on music that makes you feel good and make the bed. Do whatever you need to make the bedroom, and the bed in particular, an attractive and sexy place to be. By the time your partner gets home, you will be more than ready to get intimate.
Step 3: Take the Pressure Off Sex
It’s true what they say, sex can be an amazing form of stress relief.. Unless sex is the thing that is causing you stress in the first place.
There is no “normal” number of times to have have sex per week or month Instead of “should”ing yourself into unsatisfying sex, it’s time to wipe the virtual sex calculator from your mind and think about the kind of sex you’d like to be having. After all, it’s quality not quantity that matters.
Instead of making sex the only item on the menu, try to place your focus on other forms of intimacy. Hugging, kissing and cuddling can be just as effective at relieving stress, and can help you to relax and unwind with your significant other. If these activities eventually lead to sex, great! If not, at least you’re still establishing closeness and cashing in on those happy feelings.
I love hearing from you! Please send all your questions to feedback@sexwithemily.com.
Want more Sex With Emily? Check out my podcasts for free on iTunes, my bookHot Sex and my iPhone apps Kegel Camp and Sex Drive. Check out my new intimate care line Emily & Tony for massage candles that turn into luxurious massage oil andDownUnder comfort to stay fresh and dry down there. Use Coupon Code SEXWITHEMILY or 20% off. Also, use coupon code EMILY for 15% off at Good Vibrations. These are my favorite sex toys and vibrators from Good Vibes: Sex Toy Recommendations (some restrictions apply). Never tried the #1 Male sex toy. Get aFleshlight.
