Q: Dear Emily,
Thanks to you, I am now a woman with several sex toys. I have recently fallen in love with my Magic Wand vibrator, and it has totally changed things for me in that I can now not only orgasm, but have multiple orgasms! But now I’m wondering.. Is it bad that I only ever want to use my vibrator to masturbate? The things is, I’ve heard rumors about vibrators actually desensitizing the clitoris, and now I’m worried that I’m ruining my vagina! Is this true? Whenever I go back to using my hands, it takes SO long to get there and I’m not even sure if I’m climaxing. Has it already started? Am I addicted to my vibrator? Help!
Sincerely,
Vibrator Obsessed, 22
Hey VO,
Congrats on discovering the magical orgasmic world of sex toys, and for unlocking your ability to have multiple orgasms! But now that you’ve found this foolproof method for experiencing pleasure, you’re wondering.. Is it too good to be true?
Recently there has been a wave of information about the negative side of vibrator use. Many are concerned that vibrators may desensitize you, making it more difficult to reach climax naturally, or that it causes you to miss out on the most beneficial stages of your orgasm.
I know what you’re thinking: “Woah woah woah. I just discovered the orgasm, Emily, and now you’re telling me there’s multiple parts?” Yet that is exactly what I am saying. There are four separate stages of the big O, and each stage plays its own role in your sexual enjoyment.
- Arousal
This is the excitement stage, where you start to think sexy thoughts and your body starts responding. Your body releases chemicals that increase blood flow, causing your nipples to become hard, your skin to flush and your clitoris to swell. Your vagina starts to lubricate, which is why you’ll notice an increase in wetness down there. All of these responses are your body preparing for sex. - Orgasmic Plateau
During the plateau, every aspect of the arousal phase is intensified. Your body parts continue to swell, your heart rate, blood pressure and breathing continue to rise. This is also when the majority of kickass orgasm hormones are released, like oxytocin and nitric oxide, and when cortisol (the stress-causing hormone) gets flushed from your system. During plateau, you may feel like you are right on the edge of something wonderful.. Probably because you’re about to launch into the climax phase. - Climax
This is the so-called money shot, the explosion of pleasure and release of sexual tension. Although it is the shortest phase during sexual response, usually lasting only 2 or 3 seconds, this is what most of us came for. Our eyes roll back, toes curl, muscles spasm.. The whole shebang. - Resolution
If arousal and plateau suggest the climbing of Orgasm Mountain, and the climax is the peak, then resolution is the slow trip back to ground level. Your body returns to it’s regular state, while you catch your breath and bask in that post-orgasm glow.
Understandably, many women view climax as the whole point of arousal and are eager to get there as quickly as possible. That’s all well and good, but what you may not know is that in your frenzy to get up and over that orgasmic peak, you could end up skipping the plateau phase altogether and therefore missing out on a lot of those sexual health benefits.
In no way am I saying that vibrators are the enemy against female sexual health. In fact, not all women will miss the orgasmic plateau just because they are using a vibrator. However, it may be easier to control the level of arousal and the amount of time spent in each phase when masturbating manually.
The mistake here is assuming that all vibrators will catapult women from arousal to orgasm in no time flat, because the truth is that not all vibrators are made the same. Some, like the Mimi by Je Joue, deliver more subtle deep vibrations that provide a nice build up and a lengthy plateau. Others, like the Magic Wand, are great for a masturbation quickie but might take you through the plateau phase a little faster. It all depends on what kind of experience you are looking for.
So can you get addicted to your vibrator? Not exactly..
The truth is, the vibrator provides women with a direct and efficient route to a place that they might normally have a little trouble finding on their own. Once they do find this quicker, easier way, they no longer want to put in the extra time and effort to explore other options.
It’s like if you were trying to find the best driving route to get from Point A to Point B. Then one day, you discover a shortcut that cuts your drive time in half. Even if the other route is perfectly lovely and enjoyable, how likely is it that you are going to take the second, much quicker route from now on?
I don’t think that you’re addicted to your vibrator – I think it’s more to do with the fact that women get lazy! We have our go-to “30 second guaranteed” masturbation tool, and refuse to explore other options or paths to orgasm. Unfortunately, this is extremely limiting.
Importance of mixing it up
Every day, I hear questions about couples stuck in a sexual rut, but there is such a thing as being stuck in a masturbation rut as well.
I don’t want to say that one method is better than the other, or that your vagina will suffer from repeated vibrator use, but I am all for mixing up one’s masturbation routine. Just like sex, it is important to try new methods and new techniques to learn the best way(s) to get yourself off.
Manual stimulation is good because it allows you to really explore yourself firsthand and get the lay of the land, so to speak. One can easily point a vibrator in the general direction of the clitoris and experience mind-blowing orgasms without ever truly understanding where it is and how to please it. Learning these things for yourself is important, not only so you can know how to pleasure yourself, but also so you can help direct any other hands toward your sweet spot.
I don’t think you need to lock your vibrator in a safe and chuck it into the ocean, but I do recommend taking a step back and finding the perfect balance between your hand and your vibrating buddy. In fact, once you’ve discovered the right places and caresses with your hands, you can actually try using both to reach the perfect O. Start off with a mild vibrator, engage in a little self-teasing to get yourself through the arousal phase, and then switch to your fingers to bring it home. Voila – Best of both worlds!
