Oh Los Angeles, sometimes I simply love you and sometimes I just can’t help but loathe you.
When I first set up camp in LA I made every effort to say I wasn’t of those “actors” or “models” hustling their way through the trenches of casting calls, auditions and headshots. I was an independent – free of the great big LA cattle call.
But even as I fought tooth and nail to stay clear of the “Hollywood” lifestyle- my dating life seemed to be mirroring just that.
Every date seemed to be just like a casting call and every suitor seemed like he could be the “ big break” relationship I was longing to score.
Eventually, I saw suitors come and go and big breaks turn into big disappointments. I guess I did have a lot more in common with my actor friends than I thought.
But what shocked me the most out of all the similarities to the land of hopes and dreams was the idea that one could also be “type cast” before you ever even had a chance to go on a date.
But there I was, date after date being stamped on the forehead a “Nice Guy.”
Now, truth be told- I am a nice guy. But was that how everyone saw me? Is that what each of my pictures screamed and how after reading my carefully edited online profile description- did one stop and say- “Eh- He looks too nice.”
In this weeks episode of Millionaire Matchmaker I got to meet some of the nicest gay daters in the club so far. Oddly enough, my client was on quite the opposite end of the spectrum. So it was time put my matchmaking skills to the test.
Would serving up a buffet of nice guys to this spoiled millionaire be a recipe for disaster or would he recognize something special when he saw it? Would this prove that a-typical daters still only go for the physical or would they go for what the heart says?
Plot twist… the Nice Guy wins!
As it turns out, typecast dating was thrown to the wayside with coaching from our team of matchmakers!
To research more about type cast dating, I met up with Matt, one of our daters from the episode, to discuss the trials of being a “Nice Guy.”
Today, Matt and I take in a gorgeous sunny day at one of my favorite new restaurants in West Hollywood, The Bossy Wife.
This place is great because of three important things: location, lattes and lively boy watching! It’s a great place for Matt and I to meet up and discuss Type Cast Dating.
David: Have you ever been called “nice” on a date?
Matt: Yes, I think once people realize that I’m from Utah, there is a preconceived idea that I am Mormon and therefore I am a nice, good guy. Which is true, but when people tell me that on a date, sometimes it’s a turn off.
David: What is it about you that “scream’s” nice when people meet you?
Matt: I dress very preppy, so sometimes people interpret that as “good guy”-although I am positive that I have an edgier side to me too. Maybe I look too clean cut and well kept- I guess that goes hand in hand with nice. Lol.
David: Do you think that guys pass on dating you because of Type Cast Dating?
Matt: Sure they do! A guy of my “stature” (an ode to his height) are often immediately judged and cast to the side. The same can be said for guys who are blonde or not in shape. In West Hollywood, there is a lot of type casting!
I feel that if I were taller, my dating life would be completely different.
David: Do you think you’re guilty of Type Cast Dating?
As much as the next person is, I guess. Although, I feel because of things that I experience in dating, I try to be more conscious of how I judge people before I meet them. To me, it’s all about the personality so I try to be more open.
People are attracted to confidence and that will always win in the end.
David: How hard is it to be a nice guy and date in a big city like LA?
Matt: Its Hard. I think you have to be tough or people will push you around. I walk a fine line of being true to whom I am and having confidence to date in big city.
I think that in LA, there will always be someone bigger and better than the next, so being a confident ensures that you don’t lose out on opportunities while dating.
People are attracted to confidence and that will always win in the end.
David: Do you think you’ll change from being a nice guy to a bruiting, self-involved gym rat to fit in?
Matt: Never. I like who I am and I won’t ever change. I will learn from my experiences and adapt, but I will always be a nice guy.
David: Okay, fine you past my test. You’re a genuine nice guy. What have you learned about dating in LA?
Matt: Haha, thanks! The most important thing that I have learned is that people are flakey, but to take it with a grain of salt. I don’t get offended anymore I simply have a back up plan. A back up plan ensures that you are not stuck at home on a Friday night with a pint of ice cream and a big spoon watching Downton Abbey.
As Matt and I finished up our lattes and soaked in a beautiful 80-degree Monday in West Hollywood, we came to one very simple conclusion; Think with your heart.
Type cast dating is simply about making assumptions. Categorizing people you see without ever really going on a date with them or having a conversation may be a disadvantage to you in your search for love.
Get to know a person, understand their journey and hear their dreams. When it comes to love, your partner will need to be less of what you see and more about what connects the two of you together.
