I got a great e-mail from Heather today.
She writes:
“…I’ve worked hard to develop and keep a positive lifestyle for myself. I have a loving relationship with my friends and family.
During this development process I met an amazing man.
100% different than any man I’ve ever dated.
He’s a great guy with morals, integrity, & ethics.
When I met him for the first time ever he insisted we take things slow and we did. He respected it and always was respecting of me. After some time we got close, and became intimate. We then retained the same level of intimacy.
However, the last few months, the intimacy has gone from five times a week to once a month. We still see each other about the same amount of time, and either I stay at his place or he stays at mine for two nights, sometimes a week.
He loves cuddling up to me. But he’s always making comments, even when I’m not making any moves, about how he’s tired, has a headache or stomach ache.
I tried addressing the issue. I’m not saying our relationship is all about sex, but it’s driving me crazy. It’s making me feel undesirable and unattractive. And those feelings are hard to fight.
He just says our timing is off and we have to make more of an effort, yet we – or he doesn’t and it stays the same.
The last three months I’ve gone out and bought lingerie, gotten my hair done, my nails, I bought new sexy but classy dresses.
Everything I know he likes, but have slacked off a bit and none of it works. The one time a month we’re intimate he doesn’t seem to be into it, me or even mentally here, what should I do?”
I love it (not really) – she’s blaming herself.
Ridiculous, but I’m sure many other women do too.
“…everythingI know he likes but have slacked off a bit and none of it works.”
He hasn’t done anything!
Here’s what you’ve got:
This “amazing man” was only amazing for a short period of time. He was going for what you wanted, he gave you sex five times a week and that was all for you.
If you think about it and go back to the sex you had five times a week, I guarantee you it was quantity, not quality. He’s not a lover like you are, sex is not important to him like it is to you.
A man who makes an excuse for stomachache or headache and tells you we need to get back to it, but does nothing, he’s showing you exactly what he is. He’s a man that really could care less about having sex.
There’s nothing that you can do but leave him. You even said it here, but I’m sure you didn’t read the e-mail that you vomited at me.
And it’s the best line of the entire e-mail:
“The one time a month we’re intimate he doesn’t seem to be into it, me or even mentally here.”
The answer is there.
You, like most women, are smart, intuitive, but like most women you get suckered in and try to make things work because you don’t want to be single again and you think this is such a great guy.
You feel like if you stick it out, which a lot of women do, things are going to change or go back to the way that they were.
The way that they were was just that, it’s in the past.
It’s the way he was.
You try things, like getting lingerie, getting your nails done, hair done and everything else. You even bought a sexy dresses.
If that doesn’t work with him what more can you do? You’ve put yourself out there. You’ve tried to address the issue. You’ve taken every step imaginable to fix the problem.
It sounds to me like he’s not interested in repairing your relationship. It sounds to me like he doesn’t think you’ll leave. He’s grown comfortable with how things are and left no room for growth.
This is a walking, dead relationship. There’s no intimacy and no desire to work with you. What good is having a partner if you’re doing all the work?
There are men that aren’t interested in being intimate. They like getting off. But the act of making love, the art of getting you off, doesn’t interest them.
I’m sure he masturbates because it’s much easier to be intimate with himself than with another person.
Once again, go back to the beginning of your relationship.
Be honest with yourself. Wasn’t the sex just physical?
When the emotional side kicked in, he couldn’t go any further. When the idea of having sex comes up he tells you he’s not feeling well. He is not built intimately like you are.
This relationship is doomed. The longer you stay in it, the more sex toys you’re going to need to buy. Sure, he’ll cuddle you and hug you, but he’s not going to give you what you want: a mature, functional, intimate relationship.
So if you want a lifetime of literally begging for sex, wearing sexy dresses and not being noticed, then I suggest you stay with this “amazing man.”
But if you really are honest with yourself, you know you can do much better. And stop rationalizing.
Sex is wonderful.
Sex is the glue that holds a relationship together, so there is no reason why you shouldn’t be having sex on a regular basis. Stop making excuses of why it doesn’t happen.
Stand up for yourself. Find somebody who sees you for the sexy woman you are. Men love confident women. Men like a girl who gets her hair done, is concerned about her nails, buys sexy dresses, comes on to them, wears nice lingerie.
You’re perfect. You sound wonderful. Get rid of this guy. Or if you’re determined to try and turn things around sexually with this guy then I urge you to take a look at my program, “How To Tell A Man What You Want In Bed”
It’s all about turning any man into the best lover you’ve ever had, even if he’s lost interest. And reveals the secrets to the most mind blowing orgasms of your life.
