Look, I’m not going to sugar coat it. The holidays are a crappy time to be single. The only thing that might make you feel better is realizing that they’re kind of a crappy time to be in a relationship too. For all of the joy and festivities there are this time of year, there’s a lot of anxiety and expectation and binge eating sugar cookies that don’t even taste that good. But, being single during the holidays does seem to make you a target for a lot of annoying chatter. So, I’ve decided to create a list of all of the things no single girl wants to hear over the holidays.
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Why do you think you’re single?
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I have someone to set you up with, but he’s still married. Is that ok?
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Maybe you should stop being so picky.
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I have someone to set you up with, but he lives across the country. Is that ok?
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You came here alone?
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I have someone to set you up with, but he’s short. Is that ok?
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I don’t know why you’re single!
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I have someone to set you up with, but he’s bald. Is that ok?
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When are you going to get married?
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I have someone to set you up with, but he’s way too young for you. Is that ok?
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You know your uterus isn’t getting any younger.
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I have someone to set you up with, but he’s way too old for you. Is that ok?
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I wish you’d stop focusing on your career and focus on catching a man.
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I have someone to set you up with, but he’s asexual. Is that ok?
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You expect to find love wearing shoes like that?
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I have someone to set you up with, but he’s not attractive. Is that ok?
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You need to move out of that town if you want to meet a man.
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I have someone to set you up with, but he’s a war criminal. Is that ok?
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Have you ever tried online dating?
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I have someone to set you up with, but he texts using only emoticons. Is that ok?
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I hope I live long enough to see you get married.
So, if you’re hanging with one of your single friends this season, just avoid any of the above, ok?
