What is a 30-day time bomb?
A 30 day time bomb is when we create powerful stories based on our needs, wants, and desires. Then we turn the person we’re dating into exactly what we think we want, need and desire. We’re not seeing is the real person in front of us.
Let me share something with you right now. Recently I started looking at every relationship I’ve ever been in. I started writing it all down, keeping a private journal. To me, life is about becoming in tune, being an intuitive person who can rely on his intuition. Somebody who can let go of at the first warning sign, the first sign of a repeating pattern.
That is what I call ‘evolved dating’. Evolved dating is to consciously see someone as they present themselves. Not to look at them as who you want them to be. A conscious dater is an evolved dater. A conscious dater can let go of somebody that’s not right at the first warning sign.
A conscious dater is an evolved dater. A conscious dater can let go of somebody that’s not right at the first warning sign.
It’s something I’ve never really done, because when I look back at all my past relationships, the warning signs were always there in the first 30 days. I ignored them because of my needs, wants, and desires, because of the story I was creating.
The first 30 days after we find somebody, we allow ourselves to believe it may work out. We get excited and are blinded by our excitement. We get excited because there’s an opportunity to no longer be single. Which is of course the reason why we’re dating in the first place. We don’t want to be single.
We’re dating because we want to connect. We want to be inspired. We want to fall in love, and we need somebody. And it’s usually a long road to get there. A frustrating road. Dating can be extremely frustrating. How many Internet dates don’t look like who they are? How many times do you meet somebody and you’re excited, you go out with them to realize you have no chemistry, or they’re a lousy kisser, or they’re not what you think?
So when you finally find somebody you think might be great, you go right into want mode. Need mode.
We’re dating because we want to connect. We want to be inspired. We want to fall in love, and we need somebody. And it’s usually a long road to get there. A frustrating road. Dating can be extremely frustrating.
When you go into want and need mode, you tend to get away from desire mode. Desire is intuition. When you desire something, it’s your intuition talking to you. When you go into want and need mode, it’s your ‘dating like a toddler’ mode. So you start to create a story based on what the person is showing you. But it’s not who they are.
It’s who they need to be, want to be. They’re on their best behavior, but you see cracks in them right away. They might send you a text that seems a little on the obsessive/needy side. They might show you that they’re really not healed from a past relationship, and they don’t trust. They might show you something and it triggers off that “Whoa”! Triggers off something in you that says beware, danger ahead.
But you ignore it. You ignore it because you want to connect. So recently, what I did is I did a check of all the relations that I’ve ever had, went back, and meditated. I realized within the first 30 days the person showed me a warning sign I should have seen. And here’s the kicker. The reason why we busted up is because of my instincts in the first 30 days were 100% right. They were not who I thought they could be, what I wanted them to be, what I needed them to be.
Aha! See that. When we date using the words ‘want’ and ‘need’. We create a story about the person and we ignore who they really are. When we talked about desire, desire is a powerful intuition. Desire is an amazing intuition that allows us to actually screen a person. Look back at all your relationships. Look back at the first 30 days and realize you were right. That’s the reason why you ended up breaking up with that person. That person could not be what you wanted them to be, what you thought they could be, what you needed them to be.
Desire is an amazing intuition that allows us to actually screen a person. Look back at all your relationships. Look back at the first 30 days and realize you were right. That’s the reason why you ended up breaking up with that person.
That’s why we need to stop that. We need to open our eyes in the first 30 days. I like to tell people to write down what you desire in a partner. Desire how you want to feel. Desire how you want to be in the presence of that person. When you wake up the next month, how do you feel. Do you feel your desires? Do you feel turned on mentally, emotionally and physically?
When you go out on a date, do they show you who they are? Are they walking the walk or just talking the talk?
Are they coming through with things that they said they would, are they following through? Are they listening?
Or are you trying to create a version of them that you want that fits into your life because you want and need a relationship?
The first 30 days are crucial. Open your eyes because if you let go in the first 30 days, it doesn’t hurt.
The first 30 days are crucial. Open your eyes because if you let go in the first 30 days, it doesn’t hurt. Sure, it sucks that you have to go back out and date again. It’s a necessary evil to date. But it’s amazing how beautiful it can be when you see the person presenting themselves in front of you. I want you start dating that way. I want you to start seeing who is being presented.
Sure, you may burn through people faster. But when you do find that relationship, it’s going to be a healthy one. You’re going to be standing in front of somebody without the story that you created about them, and see who they are really are. The two of you will have a mutually amazing, authentic experience together.
Try it. And to understand more about what a man looks for in the first 30 days of a new relationship (and beyond) take a look at THIS…
