The days of actual phone calls and men showing up at the door on a whim are so far gone, they might as well be back in the stone age. Past generations had no idea how lucky they were to have these as standard forms of communication when dating. They struggled with deciphering mixed messages based on actual conversations, voice-to-voice and face-to-face. I never thought I would be envious of a generation’s lack of technology, but texting and dating have proved otherwise.
Lets be honest, we have it pretty bad in this regard! We are forced to decipher mixed messages from, well actual messages. The phrases “what do you think he means?” and, “is he going to respond?” have become tired on our mouths and our ears, because we are either saying them, or we are hearing them; all.the.damn.time.
A simple “no.” from a guy can be interpreted as “he’s mad” but a “no” is interpreted as normal, nothing to worry about. Just one “.” makes a huge difference. Ridiculous right?
I’ve found myself comforting friends with the phrases, “maybe he didn’t get it” or, “he’s probably just not on his phone” after a text goes unanswered. Real talk; they got the text, and everyone is always on their phone. I know, these examples sound completely absurd but we have all felt this way!
We have become slaves to the small ping of our iPhones and victims of faceless, voiceless communication. The big problem I have found with texting as our go-to form of communication is that sometimes it takes just one single text to make or break an entire relationship.
Although us ladies probably read into texts a LOT more then our male counterparts, both sides of this equation use guess work and assumptions when texting. Since guys are also in this clouded mess of communication, they too often take what a text means out of context and react to it.
The big problem I have found with texting as our go-to form of communication is that sometimes it takes just one single text to make or break an entire relationship.
This brings me to my point. As scary as it is, I truly believe that you can blow a relationship with a guy in just one text. No, I’m not saying to over analyze every text even MORE then you already do. I’m just saying it is sad truth of our heavy dependency on texting; it can really affect our relationships!
One particular instance of my past comes to mind as an example of a text breaking a relationship. The tale goes as follows…
I was “talking” (dating but not officially boyfriend/girlfriend) with a guy for about 3 months. He didn’t live in the same city as I did, so texting was the bulk of our relationship. We texted all day, every day and facetimed some nights. Our conversations were so easy, always flirty, and I got that girly blush filled smile when my phone lit up with his name on it. I had high hopes that we would actually amount to something serious. (I know, I’m a dummy hopeless romantic)
One fateful girls night out, I drunk texted him. Drunk texting is never a good idea, but hey, it happens. In my stupor I dropped the, “b” word on him. “b” as in babe. This didn’t seem too stage five clinger to me because he had called me that before. However, I woke up the next day with no response from him, hint #1 something was up.
After a few painstaking hours (reality: minutes) I went out a limb to text him. In response he was super short with me, hint #2. At this time I knew in my gut I would be on the receiving end of an awkward “break up” text.
Sure enough, the following day I received a novel length text message saying that dropping the “b” word freaked him out, made him realize that he was not ready for anything serious, and that he was too busy to continue talking like we were and blah blah blah…
Although I wasn’t really dating-dating this guy, as dumb as it sounds, I was upset about losing him. I missed seeing my phone light up with his first and last name shining, I missed talking to him, and most of all I missed how he made me feel.
Was I asking him for something serious by calling him babe? No, absolutely not! I’m such a lover when I’m drunk, its only natural I would call the guy I’m interested in babe. His reaction was one where you would have thought I asked him to spend a lifetime in marital bliss with me. He created assumptions about what I wanted from our relationship just by one word in a text, a drunk text. It hardly seemed fair.
Although I wasn’t really dating-dating this guy, as dumb as it sounds, I was upset about losing him. I missed seeing my phone light up with his first and last name shining, I missed talking to him, and most of all I missed how he made me feel.
As sad as I was, I decided to try and learn from this relationship flop. With this mind set in tow, I forced myself to face the cold hard facts of this situation. And those facts were…
First, this guy CLEARLY didn’t like me as much as I thought he did. Second, My drunk text flail was simply an easy out for him from our “relationship” or lack there of. And finally, if a guy can treat me like I am that disposable he cannot be the guy for me, I deserve more.
Learning those lessons made it really easy for me to let go and be happy without him. Weeks later, he reached out to tell me he missed me and he was sorry about everything. (Yes, this shocked me too) If I hadn’t faced the truths about our “relationship” this loser might have suckered me back for more, but he didn’t. Thank god!
In conclusion, my message to ya’ll about texting is this; texting and dating definitely do not go hand in hand blissfully, BUT their mismatched partnership can help weed out the losers, if you let it. It’s quite simple really! If a guy never responds, is willing to drop you from one text, or one word in a text, he sucks! Respect yourself enough to realize you deserve more and move the eff on!
