When your man seems more passionate about football than your sex life, you know something has to change. The honeymoon period is over and you can’t just get back the relationship you had by acting spontaneously. You have to work hard on your relationship to make the excitement and passion last.
If you wait to see if things will get better by themselves, you will only become more and more complacent about your sex life. It will become normal to not hold hands in public settings and skip the displays of affection. You will go through the motions of sex when you used to make love.
You can’t rewind time, but you can work on your relationship in the present. Replace your longing for the past with a proactive approach to your relationship’s future. Help your partner to become more passionate, responsive, and affectionate by identifying the problem, facing it head-on, and practicing healthy, open communication.
1. Identify the Problem
Before you go out and buy a bunch of lingerie, you need to find out why your relationship feels lackluster. Often times, people feel stagnant when they fall in a routine with their partner. The element of surprise has disappeared from the relationship and things become predictable, including sex. You no longer go on crazy adventures and spend all night talking about your deepest darkest secrets. Once you start washing their dirty underwear, all the mystery is gone.
If the overall relationship is strong, maybe the source of the problem is performance anxiety. If a man doesn’t feel like his performance is up to par, he will enjoy it less and sometimes avoid it altogether. Often, men bottle up their emotions instead of expressing them. You should approach these situations head-on by asking him what he thinks changed and how you can help.
In the past, male sexual performance problems were thought to be “in his head,” but medical science has advanced beyond a guessing game in the past 15 years. If he’s having trouble getting or staying hard (this can occur with younger men too), common medications are available by prescription. If he orgasms pretty quickly during sex (this can occur with older men), he’s probably too focused on trying not to orgasm to fully enjoy the experience. Try out Promescent, a mild desensitizing spray, if you want to have longer-lasting sex and help him get control of his orgasms.
People often feel less passionate when their life seems out of control and they don’t think their situation will change. Making a change to your sex life and how you communicate with your partner will reinvigorate your relationship.
2. Take Control
Sure, he wants to feel in control of his life, but that doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate a woman taking control in the bedroom. The number one complaint I hear from men is that women do not initiate sex enough. Women are taught from a young age not to take the lead. Never pay for a date, open the door for yourself, call a man first, or initiate sex.
If you want him to to be more passionate about your sex life, take the lead. When he walks in the door go over to him and start kissing him and work your way down. Surprise him with oral sex, a crazy new sex position, or maybe just a long passionate kiss. Role-play is another great way to shake things up. By putting on different roles, as doctor and patient or cop and unlawful citizen, you can momentarily escape the routineness of your relationship. Get creative and even a little bit wild.
3. Find out how he shows his love
In The 5 Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman emphasizes the importance of expressing love for your partner in a way they will really understand. According to the book, people show their affection in different ways, including: gifts, acts of service, quality time, and physical touch.
Your boyfriend’s idea of expressing his love might be making dinner, while your idea of expressing your love is having sex on the kitchen counter. It’s essential to learn how to translate each other’s love languages. Try to see things from your partner’s perspective while you explain how you give and would like to receive affection. Remember, the only way you can have a long-lasting, more passionate relationship is to express yourself with healthy, open communication and unabashed sex.
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