AskPatti

#AskPatti: Inexperienced men, how to avoid dating more jerks, first date advice & more!

Author Thumbnail by Patti Stanger
Posted at 1:30 pm on December 19, 2013

Ask Patti StangerHello, my holiday hams! (That’s weird, right? Never writing that again, I promise.) I’m already feeling like 2013 is going to be my best holiday season ever. It just feels more festive and fun than any other December I can remember. Plus, I’ve found matches for an even higher than usual number of my millionaires in the past few weeks. And that always feels special. I love getting matches done right before the holidays so new couples can celebrate together. Enough about me and onto you! Here are your questions from the week.

Your inexperience isn’t something to sweat at all. No worthwhile woman would write you off for being a virgin. But, I don’t think this is something you should wear on your sleeve. I believe in waiting to have sex until you’ve both agreed to a monogamous, committed relationship. And committing to monogamy involves a conversation. Bring up your virgin status during that conversation. At that point, you’ve established that you both care about each other, so it’s a safe space, and you haven’t waited until a potential awkward situation, like when you’re getting busy between the sheets. No one wants to stop foreplay to talk about your past sex life. Buzzkill!
Of course there are good guys out there. Where are you finding your jerks? I’m guessing you’re looking for men in jerk factories like clubs and dive bars. Change your man hunting patterns and you’ll meet a different ilk of man. Try hanging out at a hotel bar when you know there’s a high-end industry conference in town. Or take a class where you get active with men, like a hiking or biking club. Look for men in new, quality places and you’ll find new, quality men.

— Gypsey27 (@gyp27sey) December 12, 2013

Dress to impress, stay on neutral topics, keep an open mind and be yourself, girl!

This isn’t about him at all, so don’t worry about hurting his feelings. By the third date bring up your policy. I’d make it as sexy as possible. Try focusing on what you are willing to do before monogamy, like kissing and massages. That will lessen the blow of the no sex right now comment. After all, there’s lots of fun you can have that doesn’t involve sex!Back to the festivities! Happy holidays!

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