Even if you think masturbation is the only thing you’ve mastered in adulthood, there are always new ways to do you. Think about it this way: would you have sex with the same person, the exact same way every time? I didn’t think so. Then why would you treat yourself that way? As Woody Allen put it, “masturbation is sex with someone you love.”
Get out your trusty vibrator and treat yourself with these 8 ways to make masturbation even better:
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Boner Jamz
Create a playlist dedicated to your special one-on-one time with yourself. Get cuddly and light some Emily & Tony massage candles. Your boner jams can consist of anything from the spiritual sound of Sigur Ros to the gritty sexiness of Nirvana. You can get in on, and you don’t even need a Kurt Cobain to do it (even though, that would be nice).
As Woody Allen put it, “masturbation is sex with someone you love.”
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Move Around
I know you’ve been masturbating in your room with the door locked since you were a teenager, desperately hoping your parents are asleep.
You’re an adult now! You can masturbate anywhere you want! The world is your oyster (if you don’t have roommates)! Take your vibrator in the shower or the kitchen while you’re waiting for your casserole to cook. Anything tastes good post-orgasm.
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Heck, go out into the big, bad world!
I realize that masturbating in public is illegal, embarrassing, and something crazy people do. If you’re going to do it in public, make sure no one knows what you’re up to. Strap on your vibrating panties to make your morning commute more interesting.
Disclaimer: Be careful operating heavy machinery while you’re doing yourself.
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Try a Thruster
Sometimes you just want to get f***ed, you know what I mean? The Stronic Eins does. The Stronic Eins Thuster’s piston-like multispeed motor creates the perfect G-spot stimulation. It’s like you’re having sex, no man or batteries required. But until it sprouts abs and Channing Tatum’s butt, I’ll take the thruster and the man.
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Breathe.
Don’t get frustrated and spend the whole time yelling at your body for not gracing you with instant orgasms. Calm down and breathe. Try inhaling while you apply pressure and exhaling when you remove the vibrator from your clitoris.
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Do your Kegels
Kill two birds with one stone: Deal with your severe sexual frustration and your vagina exercises at the same time. Tighten your PC muscles (the pee-stopping muscles) when you breathe in and release them when you breathe out. Focus on your breath and you’ll be orgasming in no time. I can even lead you through your masturbation practice with my app, Kegel Camp!
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Make it Multiple Orgasms, Actually.
Why stop at one? Multiple orgasms- multiple reasons it’s good to be a woman. After you have your first crazy orgasm, take a few minutes to collect yourself. Meditate, do some squats, reflect on how awesome you are, and go in for round two. By the way, the Original Magic Wand is your best friend if you want multiple orgasms.
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Keep Doing You!
Some people find that it feels great to rotate their vibrator in circular motions or back-and-forth. For a gold star, try to maintain your masturbation motion while you orgasm. I know, it’s hard to focus while you’re orgasming, and seeing stars, and finally realizing why living is worthwhile, but be brave young masurbator! Impress your clitoris!
Want more Sex With Emily? Check out my podcasts for free on iTunes, my book Hot Sex and my iPhone apps Kegel Camp and Sex Drive.
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