We’ve all flipped through Cosmo tips on what men want in bed, whether it’s a twist of the wrist during a hand job or sexy eye contact during oral sex. Sure, technique is important, but Cosmo’s glossing over what guys want more than anything— a woman who is genuinely into sex and knows what she wants. Men don’t want you to just go through the motions. No one wants to have sex with a robot (well most people, anyway). Men want a woman who actually wants to have sex, initiates it, enjoys it, and is open to new things.
5 ways to up your game
1. Know What You Want
If knowing what you want makes you better in bed, your first homework assignment is to figure out exactly how you an orgasm (you might want to have three or four orgasms just to make sure you’ve got your technique down).
It doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex one time or more times than you can count (I mean really, who can keep track?). You need to explore your own body before you can have truly great sex with another person.
Do whatever you need to do to get in the mood, whether that means lighting an Aromatherapy Massage Candle, or reading your favorite passage from 50 Shades of Grey (maybe all three!). Get comfortable and start moving your fingers in circular motions on your clitoris or up-and-down motions. Try out a bunch of different strokes and find out which technique makes you feel really, really good. Then do more of that.
Once you find out exactly what works for you, you can apply that knowledge to sex with your partner. You can even rub your clitoris during sex, or show him how you liked to be touched, which is incredibly confident and sexy.
2. Take the Lead During Sex
The number one complaint I hear from men is their partner does not initiate or take the lead during sex. Women are taught from a young age to never pay for a date, call a man first, or make the first move. Outdated chivalry carries over to the bedroom and men typically initiate sex. That’s not to mention the large amounts of testosterone pumping through their bodies, telling men, “must have sex as soon possible!”
That’s not to say women don’t want to have sex. I just believe a lot of women do not realize how empowering it is to take the lead.Trust me, if you start touching his penis he’s not going to throw a tantrum. Initiate sex by straddling him while he’s on the couch, and tell him what you want to do. Then do it.
3. Communicate Your Desires
Send him a text message while he’s working about what you want. Don’t be afraid to get graphic in your texts. Kink is embedded in his DNA. Showing him your wild side isn’t going to turn him off, it’s going to get him off.
4. Be Open To New Sexual Experiences
I’m not saying you should have anal sex after a first date, but you should have an open-mind about sex in a relationship with someone you trust. Being “good in bed” involves setting aside your insecurities and letting yourself be open to the entire sexual experience. If it feels good, make noise. If you like the way he slaps your butt, tell him! Share your fantasies with your partner and ask him about his fantasies.
Of course, you should only do things you feel comfortable with, but ask yourself why certain sexual practices make you nervous. It’s one thing to feel pressured into doing something you don’t want to do, and another thing to fear a sexual practice because it’s a taboo. If you want to explore something like bondage, start off light and see if it’s something you like. Establish a safe-word and use silky ties instead of handcuffs. Proceed from there and stay true to yourself.
5. Enjoy It!
Most men actually want you to feel good, and sex is much more powerful when the pleasure is shared. Women are taught from a young age to prioritize a man’s pleasure, but the RIGHT man will want to make you unbelievably happy in the bedroom. Men find it incredibly sexy when a woman is genuinely enjoying herself while giving and receiving pleasure. Don’t fake orgasms; teach him how to make you orgasm. What men want is exactly what women want— good sex. Good sex is when you both experience a crazy amount of pleasure together.
Want more Sex With Emily? Check out my podcasts for free on iTunes, my book Hot Sex and my iPhone apps Kegel Camp and Sex Drive. Check out my new intimate care line Emily & Tony for massage candles that turn into luxurious massage oil and DownUnder comfort to stay fresh and dry down there. Use Coupon Code SEXWITHEMILY or 20% off.
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Image from my book, Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight!
