When you’re seriously dating a man, you’re not just dating him. You’re dating his family, too. And, I won’t beat around the bush here, it’s awful when his family sucks. But, it happens. Not every family is awesome and you could be stepping into a really crappy one. If that’s what’s going on with your man’s family and you really don’t like them, here’s what to do.
Don’t blame him
Even though he’s the one who brought these disaster monsters into your life, remember that his family actually isn’t his fault. He can’t control who he’s related to. Do your best to separate your feelings for them from your feelings for him. After all, he’s more of a victim here than you are. He’s been dealing with those lunatics his entire life!
Get on the same team
Talk to your man and be sure you’re both pulling in the same direction when it comes to his family. You don’t have to trash them, but you do need to let him know how you feel and how he can make things better for you. Be reasonable here. As much as you want him to divorce himself from those nutbags, that’s really not going to happen. Ask him for things he can realistically do and make sure he understands your struggle.
Set your boundaries
Work with your man to set boundaries with his family. Maybe it’s limiting family visits, not lending them money or deciding to keep certain elements of your relationship completely private from them. Figure out what’s the most difficult part of your relationship with them and then set up emotional barriers to make sure you never have to visit those parts again.
Focus on the positives
His family isn’t all bad. If nothing else, they did raise the man you love! When things get really bad with them, take a step back and think about that. There could also be other good things about them. Maybe they’re nice to your kids or generous with their volunteer work. Find the good, no matter how small, and remind yourself that it exists.
Use it as motivation
A tough family situation could be motivation for you and your boo to make sure your relationship never turns into something like theirs. It’s a delicate situation, but point out to your man what about his family dynamic doesn’t work and figure out together how you can avoid that in your future family. A bad example can be just as good a lesson as a good example. Might as well take what you can from this crummy situation.
Dating or marrying into a family you don’t adore is tough stuff. There are no two ways about it. But hopefully these tips make dealing with them a bit easier.
