3 Things You Can Do If He’s Not Getting Erect

You’ve started dating this great guy. You’re ready to take your relationship to the next level, and decide to start having sex. The big night arrives. You smell fantastic. You look gorgeous. You even treated him to a sexy lap dance. To show him how serious you are about him, you go down on him, but once you’re there you see he’s as erect as a string of spaghetti you threw at the wall to see if it was cooked. Now what? You want him to enjoy sex with you. How comes he isn’t hard, and what can you do about it? Here are three things to think about…

1. Don’t worry. His “machinery” probably works fine – The chances are the guy’s problems are in his head. If this is the first time you’ve been physical with each other there will be a dozen things flying through his head. “Will I please her? Do I smell OK? Does she really want to do this?”He could be worrying about a hundred different things. Think about the same anxieties you have when a man goes down on you for the first time. Men have exactly the same fears and concerns. The difference for a man is that anxiety has a very obvious effect on his erection.

   So the first thing to do if you think your man is suffering from fear induced erectile dysfunction is to let him know you’re eager to please him. While you’re down on him, look up into his eyes and say, “How do you want me to please you? Shall I lick or suck you? I’ll do whatever you want to turn you on.”

   This tells him you’re happy to be down on him, and you’re enjoying the experience. Don’t pretend you can’t see what’s happening (or not happening) down there, but don’t be too blunt in your questioning. “Why on earth aren’t you hard?” type questions are going to send him further into his head, and the chances of him becoming hard pretty much disappear. You need to keep the pressure off him as much as you can.

2. Don’t take it personally – None of this is your fault, so don’t take it personally. The last thing you want to do is confront him, or get angry about it. The moment he knows you’re upset with him, the problem will become a hundred times worse. Erectile dysfunction caused by anxiety can become a long term problem if you don’t deal with it in a sensitive and understanding way. Remember, some of his concerns will be about whether you’re happy, so reassure him, and let him know you love him no matter what.

3. Talk things through with him, and encourage him to get some help if there’s something deeper going on with him.

   Give the problem time – A large percentage of guys who have erection problems also have some sort of emotional issue in the background. Maybe they’ve been cheated on or had a bad experience in the past. Talk things through with him, and encourage him to get some help if there’s something deeper going on with him. Most the time, knowing you still love him, and that you’re not angry will be enough to take the pressure off, and often the problem fixes itself in time.Obviously if you’re a woman who’s only ever been with men who can become aroused on command, this is bound to be a confusing issue for you. Just remember it’s not your fault. The guy is probably extremely into you, and uber turned on by you. And that’s the problem. He could be so eager to please you, he’s put too much pressure on himself, hence the issue.

   Just try and keep him focussed on enjoying the moment, and staying relaxed. Make sure he knows you’re not going to leave him over it, and it won’t be long before the problem goes, and he’s rock hard and ready for you!

   To discover how to really turn a man on check out this post on my blog…