Today I’m going to talk about the phone. We all seem to be having the most intense, intimate relationship with our phones.
As I was walking down the streets of New York City this weekend, I could count on two hands the amount of women (and men) that literally walked into me because they were obsessively texting, staring at their phone, not paying attention to the world around them.
How many times have someone run into you because they were on the phone?
How many almost accidents have you witnessed because someone was too busy texting?
We are having a love affair with our fingers, our screens, and our phones. We are connecting more with our phones than we’re connecting with the human beings around us.
We have become so unaware of the people around us. It’s more than rude behavior, it’s killing our love lives. How can you expect to have anything resembling a healthy relationship if you’re already involved with your phone.
Think about it.
When you first wake up, you check your phone. When you go to the bathroom you bring it with you. When you’re bored or watching T.V. you mindlessly scroll through your apps. It’s your MP3 player and your calendar. You even take it to bed with you.
Admit it, you’re already in a serious relationship with your phone. If you’re going to have any luck finding and keeping a date you’ll need to separate from your phone.
1. You Can’t Be Present And On The Phone
The love of your life could be standing in front of you, and you wouldn’t notice him because you’re on the phone texting somebody, or looking at an e-mail, and you’re not being present.
Have you ever tried to have a conversation and text at the same time? Or, has someone tried to talk to you while their texting?
Think about how that makes you feel?
Their attention is split. Their fingers are flying across the keys and they nod or grunt to give the impression their listening, but they’re not. They can’t. It’s impossible to have two conversations at once.
I’ve witnessed people trying to flirt with ear buds shoved in their ears. This girl was stretching at the gym. A man was giving her eyes. But her ears were clogged with music.
How is a man supposed to find his opening if you can’t hear him?
Would you approach someone listening to music or a podcast or whatever? It’s intrusive and very uncomfortable.
Just because you put yourself next to him doesn’t mean he’ll be willing to jump through hoops to talk to you.
2. Most Men are Afraid of Speaking to Women
Just getting the courage to speak to you is difficult for a lot of men. Like you, they’re afraid of rejection, but they’ve got to do the asking.
Men are constantly looking at women. They see a woman, and they think to themselves “Please. Do anything, anything at all, to give me a sign I can speak to you.”
Most men are not alpha-dominant men. They don’t have the social graces or the social skills to break through another wall in your phone.
Most men are just not that good.
Once I was out the gym. I saw a guy staring at a woman. He was definitely giving her the vibe. She was buried in her phone. By the time she realized he was flirting he had walked away.
3. Your Phone is Acting as A Third Wheel
Even on dates people clinging to their phones out of desperation. Instead of having a conversation and getting to know the person next to you, you’re on your phone.
Some of my clients have said all their photos are on Facebook. They want to share their memories or their vacation photos.
Here’s a helpful hint for the future, no one wants to see your vacation photos. It is especially annoying on a first date.
Who cares where you’ve been?
I’ve seen people text on dates, take selfies, spending twenty minutes getting the right photo of their meal for Instagram. And scroll mindlessly while their date stares off into space.
If you invite your phone on the date it’s going to be a disaster. Your date will feel ignored and like he’s wasted his time. Leave your phone in your purse.
When you’re buried in your phone you miss the world around you. You’re sending a message to the world that says, “I’m busy and I’d prefer not be disturbed.”
Don’t miss the love of your life because you were stalking your ex on Facebook. Please, if you’re single, please become more present.
I truly believe there are beautiful, serendipitous moments every day and you’re missing them buried in your phone.
Now, with all the technology around us and all the phones around us we’ve become less aware than even before.
Put your phone down and start engaging in the world around you. You never know who’s looking for you.
