“Oh thats nice, her boyfriend surprised her with a trip to Hawaii for her birthday, mine bought me a necklace that I emailed him the day before”.
Girls use comparisons all the time, especially when it comes to other girls, and especially when it comes to our relationships. If our girlfriends have a “better” experience or date, we let comparisons take away from what we have. It’s an immature thought process that creates a stigma in our minds that the amount of love, date nights, and affection in the world is limited, and we are missing out somehow. Obviously, this alternate version of reality is not healthy for your or your relationship and here three big reasons why.
1. Its not fair to your boyfriend.
Just because your girlfriend happens to be dating Ryan Gosling from The Notebook doesn’t mean your boyfriend is any less great. After hearing all about your girlfriends latest escapade, you immediately start to feel resentment toward your own boyfriend. You question when he last went above and beyond for you, and when you come up with nothing your resentment furthers. You feel like he has failed, when all the while he had no clue you expected a random scene from a romance novel every now and then. If you want more from your boyfriend, you need to just sack up and tell him. And, not in a way where you drop hints about how your girlfriend is dating a romantic casanova. If you stay in the land of comparison, he will never win. Dont forget, if he compared you to his buddies girlfriends you would not be a fan.
2. It allows negativity in.
Your relationship should be your safe space and something that brings positivity to your life. When you choose to compare what one girlfriend has in her relationship to yours, inevitably you start to view your relationship and your boyfriend in a negative light. While you’re being negative, you keep yourself from enjoying the good things in your relationship because you’re too focused on what your boyfriend is not. Additionally, we bet the next time something goes wrong with you and your man this hidden comparison is going to rear its ugly head, making you lose your cool that much faster.
3. It prevents you from loving your boyfriend for who he is.
Sure, your boyfriend might not plan a 5 course meal with violins and a carriage ride home but he has to be around for some good reasons. He probably knows how to make you happy when you’ve had a bad day, he knows your favorite flowers, remembers your biggest fears, and knows when not to push your buttons. He makes you laugh and feel safe and secure. Most importantly, he knows how to love you the way you want to be loved. You need to remember to love him for who he is and appreciate that the bond you have is special and worth more than bragging rights to your girlfriends.
At the end of the day, its hard to not make those little comparisons but they really can be harmful to you and your relationship. Try and focus on being happy for your girlfriends and remember that what they have is different than what you have, not better or worse.
